


You Bug The Hell Out of Me

by JustALifelongPhase



Series: We Love Through Hate [1]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: AU, Eventual Smut, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustALifelongPhase/pseuds/JustALifelongPhase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of her dad, Shaw goes to live with Harold and Grace, along with their adopted son, John. She can't stand Root, the girl her new family occasionally fosters, but as they get older, they also get closer.</p><p>Note: This fic was given a mature rating because there will be some smut down the line. Fair warning</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Brand New Family

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Car crash
> 
> I am so pumped for this fic because it's the first one I've written for this fandom (definitely not the last) and Shaw is probably one of my all time favourite fictional characters. I hope you like it (although I had so much fun writing this that I'll probably keep going even if nobody reads it)

**Shaw: Seven years old**

There was a flash, a bang, a crash. Sameen Shaw (everyone called her Shaw, except her dad) might have been scared if she was the sort of kid who got scared. She looked to see her dad next to her. The car they were in had flipped right over and he wasn’t moving. She pushed his arm. He didn’t respond, which was strange, because he never stayed asleep. She could practically wake him up by breathing on him. She pushed his arm again,

“Dad. Wake up.” She commanded. He still didn’t respond. Shaw didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t reach her seatbelt, she was trapped. There was a tiny part of her, deep underneath, that was screaming. She didn’t really listen to that part very often. She especially didn’t want to listen to it now. So the girl sat there, staring at her father. She silently willed him to wake up. She hurt, and she was hungry, and he had always said that she would be safe with him, but he wasn’t really there. She could see him, touch him, but he wasn’t there. 

It wasn’t long before someone found them, ten minutes maybe, but it felt long to her. A man crouched down and spoke to her through the window,

“Hey, kiddo, I’m gonna get you out of there, okay?” He told her.

“My dad won’t wake up.” Shaw said. He nodded,

“Okay, my friends will try to help him. I’m going to help you though. Can you fit through this window?” Shaw nodded and the man helped release her from her seatbelt and got her out of the car. 

The man fussed over her, settling her in the back of the ambulance and giving her a check up, even though she’d already had one that year. He kept talking about how lucky she was not to be too badly hurt, just a little bumped and bruised. He wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.

“I’m not cold.” She said, he nodded,

“I know, but maybe it will make you feel better?” Shaw didn’t know why a blanket would make her feel better but she didn’t see the point in bursting his bubble.

“Where’s my dad?” She asked. The tiny quiet part of her that she didn’t listen to was still screaming. She ignored it the way she always did. The man who had helped her got a pained look on his face,

“Well, kiddo, you got lucky, but your dad was hurt real bad in the crash. My friends got him out, but we really can’t help him. Do you have a mom, or someone else we can call?”

“I don’t have a mom. Or anybody else. It’s just me and dad.” Shaw told him, “And what do you mean you can’t help him?” The man looked even more upset now,

“Well, sometimes people are hurt too bad and we can’t fix them.” He told her.

“You mean he’s dead?” Shaw asked. She knew what dead was. Her dad had explained it to her when her hamster had died a few months ago. She knew that dead meant that someone was gone and not coming back. The man nodded. The tiny part of her screamed louder, but it didn’t matter. She never listened to that part anyway.

“What’s your name, kid?” He asked.

“Shaw. Sameen Shaw, but just call me Shaw.” She said. He nodded,

“Okay, Shaw, I’m going to call some people and they’re going to help you, okay? They’re going to give you a really great place to stay. Are you okay right now?”

“I’m hungry.” Shaw told him, “Can I have a snack?” The man looked at her with a strange expression before nodding slowly and walking away again. Pretty soon another guy came and handed her a sandwich.

“Thank you.” She said, taking a big bite. She could hear the first man talking to his friends. She didn’t think she was supposed to hear him but she didn’t care,

“It was the weirdest thing. She understood what’s happening when I told her about her dad, but…nothing. I don’t know man, I’m used to tears and stuff, but not this.”

Shaw finished the sandwich. It wasn’t as good as her dad made them, but it was okay. And her dad wouldn’t be making her sandwiches anymore anyway.

More people came quickly. Police who asked her a bunch of questions she couldn’t answer and another person who gave her another check up which Shaw thought was stupid. Finally a woman in a dark pantsuit came over.

“Hey, I’m Iris. What’s your name, sweetie?” She asked.

“Shaw.” Shaw was getting tired of answering questions. Especially the same ones over and over again. Iris gave a fake smile with too many teeth,

“And do you have a last name, Shaw?”

“Shaw is my last name. I don’t like being called by my first name.” Iris nodded. She seemed to sense that Shaw didn’t like her smile and her face assumed a serious expression.

“Okay, Shaw. I promise I’ll call you by your last name, I just need your first name to write on my papers.”

“Sameen.” Iris gave a small, more genuine smile,

“Thanks, Shaw.” She said, jotting the name down on a notepad, “Now, is there anyone your dad ever told you to call if something happened to him? Like your mom, or a grandparent, or one of his friends?” Shaw shook her head,

“No. It’s just me and dad. We move around a lot, so he doesn’t have a lot of friends.” Iris nodded, she looked a little bit upset by the news. Shaw didn’t know why she cared. 

“Okay, Shaw, will you come with me? I’m going to take you somewhere you can stay for a while until we sort everything out.” Shaw let out a huge yawn and nodded. She was tired, and wanted to sleep. Iris held out her hand for Shaw, but Shaw ignored it, walking alongside the woman to  her car. 

“Is this okay?” Iris asked, with a worried expression, “I know you just went through something really scary with a car…” Shaw shrugged and buckled in her seatbelt,

“It’s fine.” She said. Iris gave her a look but nodded,

“Okay, if you need me to stop the car, just let me know, okay?” Shaw nodded, but she didn’t really know why she’d need Iris to stop. Iris got into the driver’s seat and the car started moving. Shaw was asleep within minutes.

She woke up when the car stopped. She opened her eyes and Iris tried to help her out of the car, but she ignored the woman and got out herself. She looked up at the house they had stopped at. It was big, and looked like the sort of house that people lived in in the movies. From this angle she could see around the house to a huge yard. The house itself had two stories and stone steps that led up to the front door. As Shaw looked, a man and a woman came out. The man walked with a slight limp and wore glasses and a tweed suit. The woman had red hair and she was dressed in jeans and a blouse. They came out and greeted Iris like they’d known her a while.

“It’s good to see you two again,” Iris said warmly, “How’s John?”

“He’s fine. He’s sleeping right now.” Harold told her, Grace smiled,

“He’ll be sorry that he missed you.” Iris nodded,

“Well, this is Sameen Shaw, who likes to be called by her last name only.” Iris said, beckoning Shaw closer. Harold smiled down at her and held out his hand. Shaw eyed it for a moment before shaking it briefly and letting it go. Grace crouched down so she was at eye level.

“Hey, Shaw. Nice to meet you. I’m Grace, and this is my husband, Harold. You’re gonna be staying with us for a little while, okay?”

“How long?” Shaw asked. Grace looked to Iris for an answer,

“Could be a few days, could be longer. There’s no real way of knowing right now.” Iris said apologetically. Grace smiled,

“You know it’s no trouble. Where are her things?” Grace looked around as though she thought a bag containing all of Shaw’s possessions might magically appear.

“We don’t have any of her stuff yet. The situation is a little complicated right now.” Iris said. Grace smiled,

“That’s fine. If it’s just pajamas I’m sure some of John’s things will fit her, and we can get her a couple of new outfits tomorrow, until she has her own clothes.” Grace turned to Harold and Iris,

“I’m going to take her inside and get Shaw settled in. Don’t take too long. You need to get some rest.” The last part was directed to Iris who smiled and nodded. Grace led Shaw into the house and up the stairs.

“John’s room is in there,” She said, gesturing to a closed door that had a big “WARNING: PLAY TIME IN PROGRESS” sign on it, “And this is where you’ll be staying.” She said, opening another door into a plain, undecorated room. The bed was big, and had fresh sheets on it. Grace showed Shaw to the bathroom and pulled a spare toothbrush out of the drawer. She let Shaw use the toilet and brush her teeth. When she came out, Grace was holding a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“These might be a little big on you, John wasn’t quite as small as you when we met him, but we can pick up some that will fit you tomorrow.” Grace said, handing them to Shaw. Shaw nodded and turned to go into the bedroom.

“Do you need anything else?” Grace asked her,

“I’m just going to sleep.” Shaw told her calmly, closing the door behind her. She changed into the clothes quickly, Grace was right, they were a little big, but she didn’t mind. Shaw climbed into the bed and smiled. The mattress was soft and fluffy, not like the springy mattress that she usually slept on. Shaw curled up into a tiny ball and drifted off for the second time that night.

When Shaw woke up the next day she was confused for half a moment by the fact that she wasn’t in her usual room. Right. The car. The crash. Her dad was dead. The tiny part of her started screaming again. She kept ignoring it. Shaw got out of bed and opened the door. The hallway was empty. She headed to the stairs and went down. She could smell bacon and she followed her nose to the kitchen. Harold was sitting at the table with a newspaper open in front of him. Grace was at the stove, it looked like she was making pancakes and bacon. There was also a boy who looked a little older than Shaw sitting at the table next to Harold, already eating. He looked up when Shaw came in.

“Hey, Mom, she’s awake. That’s the girl you told me about, right?” He asked. Grace looked up and smiled at Shaw.

“Morning, Shaw, take a seat. Your breakfast will be done in a moment. How did you sleep?”

“Fine.” Shaw said, sliding into the chair next to the boy.

“I’m John.” He told her, “Mom and Finch are my parents.”

“Why do you call him Finch?” Shaw asked him. John smiled,

“Cause it’s his last name and it’s cooler than ‘Dad.’” He said, “They adopted me two months ago.” He said proudly. Harold looked up from his paper to smile at Shaw,

“John had already lived with us for almost two years. We wanted to make it official.”

“Mom and Finch get a lot of kids here, but I was here the longest.”

Grace came over and put a plate of food in front of Shaw,

“John, you finished already?” She asked. John nodded,

“Can I have more?”

“Let Harold have some first, then sure. Maybe you’re having a growth spurt.” Grace went back to cooking as Shaw dug into her pancakes. John looked at her,

“I’m nine, how old are you?” He asked. 

“Seven.” Shaw told him through a mouth full of food. 

“Let her eat, John.” Grace chided gently, “Shaw, when you’re done we can go to the store together and get you some clothes and pajamas, okay? Iris called and day after tomorrow she’s going to take you to your house to collect some of your things. We can get you a bag so you’ll be able to carry them.” Shaw just nodded and kept eating. John turned to her,

“Is this your first time being fostered?” He asked quietly. Shaw just looked at him. He patted her shoulder,

“Mom and Finch are cool. It’ll be okay.” Shaw didn’t know how to respond to that, so she turned back to her food.

Grace took her to get some clothes after breakfast. Shaw didn’t really care what she wore, picking more comfortable clothes over the sparkly pink sequins that adorned most of the clothes in the section of the store. Grace didn’t seem to mind, letting Shaw pick out whatever she wanted from the boy’s section when she wandered away from the girl’s clothes. She also let Shaw pick out a small suitcase for when Iris took her to her house. Grace kept up a steady stream of conversation throughout the entire thing, not seeming to mind that Shaw barely gave her any answers at all. Shaw usually didn’t like when people did that, but with Grace she didn’t mind for some reason.

They headed back to the house where John was kicking around a soccer ball in the back yard. He let Shaw join in, and didn’t take it easy on her, even though he was bigger. She liked him for that.

When she went to bed that night in her new pajamas, that place in the back of her mind was still screaming, but it was a little more quiet, and even easier to ignore.

—————

Iris came to pick her up a couple of days later. John smiled broadly when he saw her and Shaw could swear that the boy’s cheeks turned a little pink.

“Hey, Iris. How’s it going?” He asked. Iris smiled at him,

“It’s good, John. How do you like being part of Grace and Harold’s family?”

“It’s good.” Iris talked to John a little longer before leading Shaw back to the car, helping Shaw put her suitcase in the trunk.

“How are you holding up, Shaw?” Iris asked.

“I’m fine.” Shaw told her. Iris glanced at her in the rear-view mirror.

“You know, it’s okay to be sad, upset, you can even be angry. You’re allowed to feel bad.” She said. Shaw shrugged,

“I’m fine.” She repeated, “Grace makes good pancakes.” Iris didn’t look like she believed her, but she let the subject drop. She took Shaw to her house and helped her pack some of her toys and clothes into the suitcase.

“Do you know how long I’ll be staying with Grace and Harold?” Shaw asked when they got back to the house. Iris pursed her lips,

“It’s hard to say. You’re dad didn’t have any family other than you, and he didn’t have a will either. That means that there’s nobody to take care of you.”

“But Grace and Harold are taking care of me.” Shaw pointed out. Iris nodded,

“Yes, they are. They said that they’ll take care of you as long as you need a home. But it might happen that someone else will want to take care of you forever, and then you’d live with them instead of Harold and Grace.”

“You mean someone might adopt me? Like they adopted John?” Shaw asked. Iris nodded,

“Yes, exactly like that. It might take a really long time though, so for now you’ll probably be with Harold and Grace.” Shaw nodded. That was okay, Grace was nice, and Harold was kind of funny, and John was kind of fun to play with. Iris opened the car door and Shaw got out. They grabbed her suitcase and Shaw rolled it up to the house herself. Grace helped her take it to her room and put her stuff away while Iris talked to Harold, then left. Harold came into the room just as Grace had finished folding the last of Shaw’s clothes and putting them neatly in the dresser.

“Shaw, I hear you will probably be staying with us for a while.” He told her. Shaw just nodded, “Would you like me to get you anything for the room? I thought you might like it to be a little less plain.” Shaw shrugged,

“I don’t mind it the way it is.” She told him. Harold nodded,

“Alright. Just let me know if there’s something you want.” He turned and walked away, back to the small office room that he seemed to spend most of his time. Grace stood up,

“Oh, Shaw, John has been taking karate classes for a while, since we go there once a week anyway, Harold and I were wondering if you’d want to go too?” That actually made Shaw smile.

“That sounds fun.” She said. Grace gave her a bright grin and she turned away.

“John is playing soccer again if you want to join him!” She called. Shaw guessed she was going to her studio. She’d shown it to her the day before, all of her paints and paintings. Shaw wandered outside and John waved at her.

“Did Iris leave already?” He asked. Shaw nodded and he seemed disappointed.

“Do you like her or something?” Shaw asked skeptically. He wrinkled his nose,

“No!”

“You think she’s pretty.” Shaw guessed. John turned red.

“I like you better when we’re playing soccer.” He told her. Shaw ran up and kicked the ball, it went into the small goal that was set up.

“Okay. Then let’s play.” She said. John grinned at her and went to get the ball.

—————

**Shaw: Eight Years Old**

Shaw liked living with Harold and Grace. She went to karate classes with John once a week, and spent the rest of the time playing with him. Sometimes she would sit in Grace’s workshop and watch her paint. Grace occasionally set up a small easel and gave her a brush and some paints when Shaw started getting fidgety. Every day the part of her mind that was screaming was quieter and quieter. Shaw didn’t really notice when she couldn’t hear it at all. 

Summer ended and school started. Shaw didn’t know why Harold and Grace were fussing around her so much, it wasn’t the first time she’d started a new school. She was used to it.

“Just let them do it.” John told her, accepting his lunch box from Grace, “It’s easier than telling them to stop.”

They got away from them when the school bus came. John sat next to Shaw, which was weird. Shaw never sat with people on the bus. A couple stops later, a boy with short, curly hair came on the bus and sat in the seat in front of them. He turned around to talk to John.

“Hey, John, who’s she?” He asked, pointing at Shaw.

“Lionel, this is my sister, Shaw.” John said. Shaw frowned at him.

_ Sister? _ She thought she might be angry at that, but she was a little surprised that it was okay. She could be John’s sister.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.” Lionel said. John shrugged,

“She’s new.” He said. Lionel gave him a weird look, but accepted the answer. He started eagerly talking to John about playing soccer at school and didn’t seem too bothered by John pointing out that he was terrible at soccer. Shaw stayed quiet. She thought the boys had forgotten about her until John tapped her shoulder when they got off,

“Shaw, since you’re new you have to go to the office. I’ll show you where it is.”

John brought Shaw to the office and when the lady asked why they were there he said it again;

“My sister just started here. Sameen Shaw? My parents sorted it out, she just needs to know what class she’s in.” He sounded proud of himself when he said it, and the lady smiled indulgently at him.

“Well, it’s nice of you to help your sister out. You’re a good big brother.” She turned to the computer and started typing. Shaw frowned. If she was John’s sister he was her brother. She should be mad about that. She didn’t ask for a brother. She wasn’t mad though. She felt confused for a moment before putting it aside. She guessed that was okay too.

“Alright, Ms. Shaw, it looks like you’re in Ms. Corwin’s class. That’s-”

“It’s okay, I can show her.” John said, turning to leave. Shaw followed him to the classroom and he showed her the door.

“I gotta go to my class, but you can sit with me and my friends at lunch if you want.” He told her. She nodded and he walked away.

School didn’t go too badly. Shaw sat in the back of the class and didn’t talk. When lunchtime rolled around she followed the rest of her class to the cafeteria.

“Shaw!” She turned to see John waving her over to a table. She slid into the seat next to him.

“Who is she?” A girl asked.

“This is John’s sister.” The boy from the bus, Lionel, said. John nodded,

“Yeah. This is Shaw. And that’s Zoe, Joss, Carl, and Leon.” They all said hi and Shaw nodded, staying quiet. They all kept talking while Shaw ate her lunch. Before they went out to recess, John passed Shaw half of his brownie,

“It’s your favourite.” He explained, before rushing out to join his friends.

After lunch, Shaw was intercepted by two boys.

“Hi, I’m Devon, this is Michael.” One of them said.

“That’s nice.” Shaw drawled. 

“You’re Sameen, right?” Michael asked. Shaw’s jaw clenched,

“Shaw.”

“You use your last name?”

“Yeah.”

“Want to sit with us?” Devon asked. Shaw shrugged and followed them to their table. They didn’t bug her too much.

She sat with John on the way back to Harold and Grace’s house.

That afternoon, she was sitting in Grace’s studio while Grace painted.

“John called me his sister today.” Shaw said after a while. “Three times.” Grace glanced over at her,

“Did that bother you?” She asked carefully. Shaw shook her head,

“No. It should have, but it didn’t.” Grace smiled, and Shaw wasn’t sure if she was smiling at her or the painting.

“I’m glad. He likes having you around, you know.”

—————

“Shaw, come on, time for karate class! You don’t want to be late!” Grace called. Shaw hopped down the stairs.

“Ready.” She said. School had gotten out two weeks ago and sometimes she forgot what day it was when she wasn’t waiting for the weekend. Which was why she’d forgotten. John was already pulling on his shoes and Shaw hurried to do the same. Harold was already waiting in the car. Right before Shaw left Grace put a hand on her arm,

“Shaw, there’s something Harold and I want to talk to you about when you come home, okay?” Shaw nodded and Grace gave her a wave.

“Okay, have fun. Hit hard!” Shaw gave her a tiny smile before running out after John. Harold smiled at her when she got into the car and pulled out of the driveway.

Shaw liked karate class. She still didn’t listen to the part of her that had screamed after the car accident that had happened a year ago now. The tiny, quiet part that was sad that she couldn’t eat her dad’s sandwiches anymore. The part that got scared every time she heard a loud bang. It was so quiet that she couldn’t hear it unless she really tried. And she never tried. Anger though, that was something she could hear. The anger could get so loud sometimes that she couldn’t hear herself think. Hitting things helped.

After she and John were done, Harold picked them up again. Shaw was antsy in the car. She didn’t know what Grace and Harold wanted to talk to her about. When they got home, Harold led them to the living room. John looked excited, which made Shaw feel a little better. Grace was already sitting, holding an envelope.

“Shaw, you’ve been living with us for a year now.” Grace said, “We love having you around, and-”

“Just show her, Mom!” John interrupted. Grace smiled at him and passed Shaw the envelope. Shaw opened it and looked at the papers. She didn’t understand all the words but she got the gist of it.

“You’re adopting me?” She asked. She’d thought that she would be staying with Grace and Harold until someone else adopted her. Or until she turned eighteen, but that seemed too far away to think of it. Grace nodded,

“We want you to stay a part of our family.”

“Now you’re really my sister!” John told her. She looked at him,

“You’ve been calling me your sister all year.” She pointed out. He nodded,

“Yeah, but now you can’t look all confused when I do.”

“What do I need to do?” Shaw asked, “Do I need to treat you different if you adopt me or anything?”

“Of course not.” Harold cut in, “We simply want you to stay with us. You can continue treating us however you’re comfortable. Within reason, of course.”

Shaw nodded. The little quiet part of her was singing so loudly that she couldn’t help but hear it. Just a little bit. She smiled slightly at them.

“Thanks. I guess.” She stood up to go to bed, then hesitated. She gave Grace and Harold each a quick hug, so fast that they didn’t have time to react. Then she punched John’s shoulder before heading upstairs.

—————

Two weeks later, Shaw came down for breakfast and saw a girl at the breakfast table. It was a little strange. She was eating eggs in silence next to John. Harold was reading the paper like always. Grace was standing at the stove. The girl was the only thing out of the ordinary.

“Who’s this?” Shaw asked, sitting in her usual seat on the side of John opposite the girl.

“Shaw, this is Samantha Groves. She’ll be staying with us for a few weeks.” Grace said, putting a plate of eggs in front of Shaw. The girl grimaced,

“I hate it when you use my real name.” She said.

“Her nickname is Root.” Grace added. Root smiled,

“Thank you, Grace.”

“Root, this is Sameen Shaw, but she’s just called Shaw. We just adopted her, so she’s John’s sister. She’s the same age as you.” Root smiled at her. Shaw just rolled her eyes and turned to her food.

“John, want to go play soccer?” She asked once she was finished. John hesitated,

“Video games?” He suggested. Shaw jumped up,

“Dibs on player one.” She said, running to the living room.

“No fair!” He called, rushing after her.

“When did Root get here?” She asked, once they were settled in with their controllers. John shrugged,

“Super early this morning. This is the third time she’s staying here. Sometimes it’s a few weeks, sometimes it’s a few months. She doesn’t like me.” He sounded unconcerned with the fact.

“Why doesn’t she like you?” Shaw asked, her eyes not leaving the game.

“She says boys are stupid. But you like the same stuff as me so she probably won’t like you either.”

“That’s okay. I like you better than her anyway.” Shaw said. After a while, she noticed Root come quietly into the room and sit on the couch next to her. Shaw scooted a little away from her.

“Can I play?” She asked, once the round was over. John looked at her funny.

“Last time you stayed you said this game was stupid.” He said. Root shook her head,

“No, I said you were stupid. And bad at this game. Shaw just beat you, so she’s better than you.” John frowned, but got out the third controller that they usually only used when one of them had a friend over.

“We don’t have to let her play.” Shaw pointed out. John shook his head,

“Mom’ll get mad if we don’t.” He said, handing Root the controller.

“Thank you, John.” She said sweetly. He just sat down with his controller again.

Root was really good at that game. She beat John and Shaw before they even knew what was happening.

“How did you do that?” Shaw demanded. Root smiled,

“I told you you were bad at this game.” She said to John, then she turned to Shaw, “I thought you might be a little better. Guess you’re almost as bad as him.” She sounded disappointed. Shaw could feel herself getting angry, but John shrugged it off,

“Want to play soccer after all?” He asked Shaw. Shaw looked at Root,

“Are you going to come?” She asked. Root shook her head,

“No. I don’t like stuff like that.”

“Soccer sounds good.” Shaw said, turning off the gaming console and going outside with John. She scowled when she saw Root come outside and watch them play. Was the girl going to follow them around all the time?

The next few days made Shaw feel a little better about Root being there. She spent a lot of time in her room, or with Harold in his study. Shaw was sitting with Grace in her studio while the woman worked.

“How do you like Root?” Grace asked. Shaw shrugged,

“I don’t really like her. She’s annoying.” Grace looked up at her,

“Well, you don’t have to like everybody. Are you at least nice to her?”

“I’m not nice to anybody.” Shaw pointed out. Grace smiled at her,

“I don’t think that’s always true. But fine. Are you at least not mean to her?” Shaw shrugged,

“I don’t talk to her that much.” Grace nodded,

“Okay. She hasn’t has the easiest life. You don’t need to like her, but at least don’t make her more upset.”

“She doesn’t seem upset.” Shaw said. Grace nodded,

“Sometimes people don’t like to show that they’re upset. Or they don’t let themselves feel upset even if they are.” She fixed Shaw with a look that made the small girl think that Grace might just be able to hear that part of her that she didn’t listen to. She decided to bring the subject to safer areas.

“Mom, what’s this picture going to be?” She didn’t realize what she had actually said until Grace looked up at her with a surprised look.

_ Mom _ . She’d said  _ Mom _ .

“Um…Gra-” She was interrupted when Grace wrapped her in a hug. Shaw stiffened for a moment before tentatively returning it. Grace stepped back after several moments.

“I haven’t quite decided what it is yet, but maybe we’ll hang it in your room to add a bit of colour.” Grace said, as though the exchange had never happened. Shaw was glad they weren’t having a long talk about it. 

Maybe having a mom would be even better than having a brother.

—————

**Shaw: Nine Years Old**

Shaw was coming out of her room a few weeks later when a figure jumped out with a skull mask.

“Boo!”

She didn’t jump or flinch, she just looked at John.

“Why do I have such a nerdy brother?” She asked. John whipped off the mask to reveal a wide grin.

“That’s the first time you’ve called me that!” He said happily. Shaw looked at him,

“What, nerd? I call you a nerd all the time.”

“No, brother!” John said happily. Shaw thought back. She’d totally called him brother before, right? No…not out loud. She didn’t get why he was so excited about it.

“Well that’s how family works. I’m your sister, so you’re my brother.” She told him. Root came out of her room and pushed between them to get to the stairs.

“You’re both dumb. Everyone knows you’re brother and sister.” She said as she headed downstairs.

“That’s the nicest thing she ever said to me.” He said. Shaw rolled her eyes and followed the girl down the stairs, John at her side.

“Happy Birthday!” Shaw looked around as she entered the kitchen. Root was sitting down at the table, pointedly ignoring the rest of them, but Grace and Harold were smiling broadly and there were three wrapped presents on the table. 

“Me yelling boo was the signal to let them know you were awake.” John said proudly. Grace nodded,

“Nice job, John.” She said. He grinned,

“She called me her brother, too!” He said. Root rolled her eyes, but Shaw was pretty sure she was the only one who saw it. It made Grace and Harold smile even wider though so she tried not to let the other girl annoy her too much.

“We didn’t celebrate last year because we didn’t even find out when your birthday was until a few months later.” Harold said apologetically, “We wanted to make it up to you this year.”

“I forgot.” Shaw admitted. Her dad had usually just spent a little extra on dinner, maybe bought her a new toy. But she wasn’t used to making a big deal out of her birthdays.

“Well we didn’t.” Grace said happily, “Come on, you can open your presents, then I made cinnamon pancakes. I know those are your favourite.” Shaw went to the table and picked up a small box first.

“That one’s from me!” John said.

“And we want you to be very careful with it.” Grace told her.

“ _ Very _ careful.” Harold emphasized. Shaw opened it to find a swiss army knife. It was small, the blade was only about two inches long, but to a nine year old it felt like the greatest of weapons. John pulled another out of his pocket.

“I have one too, see?” 

“And you will  _ both _ be very careful.” Grace said again.

“Super careful, Mom.” Both of them said in unison. Shaw reached for the next gift, it was a big one. 

“That one is from me.” Harold said happily. Shaw tore open the paper and smiled wide. It was nerf guns. Three nerf guns.

“This is awesome!” She said.

“Finch, you broke Shaw. She’s actually happy.” John said. Shaw aimed a punch at his shoulder and he laughed before she grabbed the last gift.

“From you?” She asked Grace, who nodded. Shaw opened the large flat rectangle and felt her eyes widen. It was a painting of her and John playing soccer together. It looked like she’d just scored a goal.

“Mom! Why’d you draw me losing?” John asked.

“Cause I’m awesome.” Shaw immediately told him.

“Thanks guys, these are awesome. Can we hang the picture in my room?”

“I’ll do it today.” Grace promised, “After breakfast, okay?”

They cleared the presents off the table and ate breakfast. John and Shaw spent the day shooting at each other with nerf guns.

Shaw couldn’t hear it, but the little part of her she ignored was laughing with delight.

—————

A week after Shaw’s birthday, Iris came to pick up Root.

“Your mother is really looking forward to seeing you again.” Iris told her, “She missed you.”

“She says that every time.” Root said. She turned to Grace and Harold,

“Bye, see you next time.” She said.

“Maybe there won’t be a next time.” Grace pointed out.

“Maybe.” Root said doubtfully, before turning to hug Harold.

“Bye, Harold.”

“Goodbye, Root.” He said. Root followed Iris out and they drove away.

“Finally. She was annoying.” Shaw said when she and John were playing later. John shrugged,

“Mom and Finch say that that’s her way of dealing with stuff.”

“Well it’s annoying.” Shaw repeated. John nodded,

“Yeah. I’m glad it’s you who’s my sister, not her.”

—————

**Shaw: Age 10**

A year later, Shaw walked into school again. This was the first time she didn't ride the bus with John, he'd gone up to middle school. When she went to to her new classroom there was an unexpectedly familiar face.

“Root. What are you doing here?” She asked. Root looked at her,

“I go here now. It sucks that we’re in the same class.”

“It does suck.” Shaw agreed. Root looked at her,

“Hey, what are your friend’s names?” Shaw narrowed her eyes,

“Devon and Michael. Why?”

“Just so I know who to stay away from.” Root said, and with a flip of her hair she turned away from Shaw. Shaw scowled at her desk. This really, really sucked.

When Shaw got home that day, she went straight to Grace’s studio.

“Root is in my class.” She complained. Grace didn't look surprised.

“Really? Tell her she's welcome here anytime.” She said, not looking away from her latest painting. Shaw looked at her like she was crazy.

“Mom, she's  _ not  _ welcome here.”

“Everyone is welcome here, Shaw, even if you don't like them they still deserve a safe place.”

“She's with her mom. Isn't that a safe place?” Shaw asked. Grace pursed her lips,

“Sometimes parents try really hard to be a safe place, but can't quite manage it.” She said. Shaw wasn't really sure how to answer that, so she just watched Grace work.

It wasn't so bad, being in the same class as Root. They didn't sit together, or talk to each other. They only got in trouble once when the teacher put them together for a partner project. They were never put together again. Shaw thought she might be able to handle that.

At least until the day she came down for breakfast and Root was there, eating a bowl of Cheerios.

“Why is she here again?” Shaw demanded. Root made a face at her and kept eating.

“Shaw, Root will be staying with us for a few months.” Harold told her, “I'm sure you can find a way to coexist without tearing each other to pieces.”

“I only pulled out a little of her hair.” Shaw muttered.

“All I did was borrow your stupid pencil.” Root said.

“Without asking first!” Shaw spat. 

“Girls!” Grace warned. Root smirked and turned back to her cereal. Shaw scowled and turned away. John caught her eye and gave her a subtle thumbs up. At least he was on her side. Shaw sighed and ate her breakfast straight out of the cereal box.

She decided that she really hated Root. Every part of her wanted her _ gone _ . Even the tiny part she never listened to.


	2. Only I Can Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw and Root are preteens. Still nemeses, but maybe something is starting to change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than the last, but the next one is going to be LONG to make up for it. Also the chapter notes at the end are going to contain POI spoilers, so if you aren't caught up, avoid reading them!

**Shaw: Eleven Years Old**

“Root, you’ve been in there for ages! Get out now, or I’ll make you!” Shaw called. She heard Root laugh from inside the bathroom,

“What are you gonna do? I’m in here, you’re out there. Besides, there’s another bathroom upstairs.”

“I don’t want to go upstairs!” Shaw growled, “I bet you aren’t even using the bathroom. You’re probably just doing this to be a brat.”

“That’s right!” Root sang. Shaw scowled and started kicking the door.

“Get. Out. Right. Now.” She said, punctuating each word with another kick. She stopped immediately when Harold came down the hall.

“What is going on here?” He asked, looking from Shaw to the closed door. Root picked that moment to come out of the bathroom.

“Nothing, Harold. I’m done in the bathroom, Shaw.” She said sweetly. Shaw glared at her again before going in and locking the door. Stupid Root. At least she hadn’t gotten her in trouble. Shaw finished in the bathroom and headed back to the living room.

“Hey, you unpaused the game!” She grumbled. John shrugged,

“You were taking too long.”

“It’s stupid Root’s stupid fault. She was hogging the bathroom.” John just looked at her,

“Why didn’t you use the one upstairs?” He asked. Root scowled and turned back to the game.

“Shut up.” She muttered.

“Cheer up, Shaw.” John persisted, “You just finished fifth grade, we’re in the same school next year.”

“So?” Shaw muttered, not turning away from the game,

“So it’ll be two against one.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s not like you’re in the same class as us.” Shaw argued, “Besides, we’re only in the same school for a year, then you’re going to high school.”

“Yeah, but you can sit with me on the bus. You’ll be the only sixth grader allowed to sit in the back.” John said. Shaw rolled her eyes. The little part of her that she didn’t listen to was oddly proud. Happy that John was willing to sit with her even though he had friends who probably wouldn’t like it. She still didn’t hear that part.

“I just want Root gone.” She muttered. John nodded,

“Yeah, don’t worry. She’s been here forever. She’s gotta leave soon.”

—————

John was right. A week later, Iris came back to pick up Root.

“John! You’ve gotten so tall!” She said as soon as she came. It was true, John was up to her shoulder now. He smiled proudly,

“I had a growth spurt.”

“You totally did,” Iris agreed. She turned to Shaw,

“How are you doing, Shaw?”

“Fine.” Iris smiled at her,

“That’s good. Is Root ready?”

“Hopefully.” Shaw muttered. Root came down with the small bag she brought to Grace and Harold’s every time.

“I’m here, Iris.” She said. Grace and Harold were right behind her,

“See you guys.” Root said. She didn’t seem to care that she was moving around again. Shaw tried not to admire that.

“Goodbye, Root. Feel free to stop by any time!” Grace said.

“Or not.” Shaw muttered. Grace and Harold gave her a look and she rolled her eyes.

“I’ll try to get another copy of that book I told you about,” Harold told Root, “I can’t imagine what might have happened to my other one.”

John caught Shaw’s eye and they both smirked. The book in question had been in an accident involving some orange juice, and John had made Shaw help him hide the evidence. It was buried more than a foot deep in the far corner of the yard now. Shaw had wanted to burn it, but John said that the smoke would attract attention.

“I’ll have fun reading it next time I’m here.” Root said.

“Maybe there won’t be a next time.” Grace said. Root smiled, but it didn’t look happy,

“Grace, you say that every time. There’s always a next time.” She turned back to Iris, “Come on, let’s go.” Iris nodded and waved at the rest of them before walking away with Root.

“Finally.” Shaw muttered, turning away to head back inside. She could enjoy the rest of her summer before she had to see Root’s face again.

—————

**Shaw: Twelve Years Old**

Seventh grade, Shaw fell into the pattern of middle school without John as quickly as she had for elementary. Ride in the middle of the bus since she wasn’t able to sit in the back without John, go to class. Eat lunch alone before going outside for recess, then more class, then home. She didn’t make a lot of friends. Michael and Devon still talked to her happily whenever they saw her, and they played soccer together sometimes, but most of her time was spent alone. 

It didn’t take long for the other kids to pick up on the fact that she didn’t like them. They mostly ignored her, which was just the way she liked it. She noticed that Root was kind of the same. People liked her more than Shaw, they smiled at her, and she never had a problem finding a partner for projects, but most of the time she was alone. Reading, doing homework, but not with anybody. Shaw didn’t notice because she cared. She just had to keep an eye on Root in case the girl tried something. If there was one thing that Shaw had learned from living with Root, it’s that she was unpredictably vindictive at times. The small part that Shaw ignored thought that Root seemed lonely. She kept ignoring it. Perhaps if it was ignored for long enough, it might go away.

Shaw was sitting at lunch several months after school started. She had just made it out of the lunch line with her food and was about to take a bite of her sandwich.

“Hey, Sameen!” The voice made her look up in irritation. There was a group of five kids, three boys and two girls. She vaguely recognized them as being in some of her classes, but she hadn’t bothered learning their names.

“Shaw.” She said coldly. The boy frowned in confusion,

“What?”

“Call me Shaw. Not Sameen.” She turned back to her food, but the kids didn’t go away,

“Fine, Shaw,” He sat down at her table, “Why is it that you only eat alone? Don’t have any friends?”

“Nope.” She said, completely unconcerned. She didn’t need friends. The boy seemed put out by her blunt response but kept pushing,

“Why don’t you have friends? Is it cause you’re a psycho or something?”

_Psycho?_ Shaw wasn’t sure it was the right word exactly, but she knew there was something different about her. Other people needed friends, and feelings. Her, not so much. The tiny part she ignored protested weakly. She was alone, she wanted someone to trust. She didn’t hear it’s pleas.

“I guess.” She agreed. The boy hooted with laughter,

“Guys! Shaw’s a psycho!” he called. Shaw ignored him, focusing on her food, but she looked up in surprise when a familiar voice spoke up.

“Greer, go away. Stop calling her that!” Greer, right, that was the boy’s name. John Greer, he went by his last name because there were too many Johns. It was almost comical to see the taller dark-haired boy in his t-shirt and basketball shorts looking down in surprise at the small blond girl in her flannel shirt and jeans. The look on Root’s face was furious.

“What are you gonna do about it?” He asked. Root’s face went from furious to a sweet smile that Shaw recognized. Root only got that smile when she was about to win. A game, an argument, anything. She got that obnoxious smile that always made Shaw angry. Except for this time.

“If you don’t stop bothering Shaw, I’m going to tell Mr. Kane that you were the one who put a snake in his desk drawer.”

“How’d you know about that?” Greer hissed. Root’s smile widened.

“I didn’t. But you just told me. And I’ll tell him if you don’t leave Shaw alone.” Greer scowled, but turned to his friends,

“Come on. Let’s go.” They headed away. Shaw frowned at Root in confusion, but the girl just turned away as though the exchange had never happened. Shaw turned back to her food.

—————

The next day, Shaw heard something in a corner behind the school building at recess. She was going to walk on by, not any of her business, but then she heard a thump. She turned to see Root being held against the wall by one of John’s friends.

“Put me down, Jeremy!” She demanded. She didn’t cry, or seem scared. Shaw was a little impressed. 

“You said we couldn’t bother Shaw. So now we’re going to teach you not to tell us what to do.” John said calmly, “Let’s see who can hit her hardest.”

Shaw didn’t yell. She didn’t speak. She just got angry, so she ran up and punched Jeremy in the nose before anybody else had a chance to react. He yelled and dropped Root, holding his hands up to his face where blood was spurting out. Shaw’s hand hurt, but she didn’t care. She turned to the rest of them. Tears started falling down his face and mingling with his blood.

“Ow! You’re going to be in so much trouble!” He said through his tears.

“Anybody else?” She asked. None of them stepped forward for several moments while Shaw stared them down. Then John scoffed,

“Come on guys, it’s all of us against her.”

“And me!” Root told them, stepping up next to Shaw.

“You’re gonna get hurt.” Shaw told her.

“So are you.” Root pointed out. Shaw shrugged, it was true.

“Fine. Still more of us than you.” John said. The four of them advanced and all that Shaw could say was it was quick. There were more of them, and Root didn’t really know how to fight (although she insisted afterward that she managed to chip one of the girl’s teeth) but Shaw was aggressive. She ignored the punches and kicks that the others threw at her, focusing instead on attacking them. When the teachers came to separate them, Shaw had a split lip and a black eye. Root had a bloody nose, although her nose hadn’t swollen up like Jeremy’s. John and his friends didn’t look much better though, and when all seven of them got suspended for a week she smiled at them as she followed Grace out of the school.

That evening, Shaw was brought into the living room after having been confined to her room for the remainder of the day. Harold and Grace were looking at her from the couch, and she had noticed John lurking in the hallway, probably to eavesdrop.

“Shaw, please sit down.” Howard said calmly. Shaw took a seat in the armchair.

“I guess I’m in trouble?” She asked. Grace sighed,

“That depends on what happened. I want to hear the whole story, start to finish.” Shaw frowned, the school had gotten so confused that they’d just decided everyone was at fault, especially since everyone was hurt. The tiny part in the back of her mind was practically crying with relief that Harold and Grace were willing to hear her out. She didn’t hear it.

“It started yesterday.” Shaw told them, “While I was eating lunch, that kid, John Greer, and his friends came up and started bothering me. I think they were trying to make me mad, or upset, but I didn’t really care. Then Root came up and made them stop.”

“Root defended you?” Harold asked in surprise, Grace turned to him,

“Harold, don’t interrupt!” He smiled at Shaw apologetically and gestured for her to continue,

“Yeah, Finch, I was surprised too. But she made them stop and then just left. I don’t know why she did it. Anyway, today I heard a sound behind the school during recess so I went to check it out and those guys were holding Root against a wall and were going to beat her up. So I punched the guy holding her and we all ended up fighting.”

Harold and Grace exchanged a look. They didn’t look mad at her, which Shaw took as a good sign.

“Shaw, are you and Root friends now?” Grace asked. Shaw made a disgusted face,

“No! I just got mad at those guys. I still hate her. Anyway, am I in trouble?”

“I don’t approve of your methods, exactly.” Harold said carefully, “Next time I’d rather you get a teacher.”

“But we’re glad you did it to help someone. Especially Root.” Grace said, “So you aren’t in trouble. Just please think next time about whether violence is really the best course of action.”

“By the time I’d got a teacher, they already would’ve started hitting her.” Shaw pointed out. Grace smiled softly and Harold raised an eyebrow,

“Didn’t she get rather beaten up anyway?” He asked.

“At least she got some hits in too, this way.” She retorted. Harold turned to Grace,

“I’m not quite sure whether I should be proud, or exasperated.” He told her. She smiled at him, then at Shaw,

“I’m both.” She said. The tiny part of Shaw perked up and swelled at the praise. It didn’t swell big enough for her to hear it. It didn’t swell big enough for her to listen. But it did get big enough to bring the smallest of smiles to her lips.

“Thanks Mom, thanks Finch. Am I allowed to go now?” Grace nodded,

“Go get ready for bed. I want you to spend the time you would be at school studying. No falling behind in class because of this, okay?” Shaw groaned but nodded and headed into the hallway. John was perched on the staircase.

“Why’d you help Root?” He asked. Shaw shrugged,

“I don’t know. I felt like it.” He nodded and didn’t ask questions.

“Do you want me and my friends to beat up those kids? They’re just sixth graders.” Shaw shook her head.

“No, it’s fine. You’d get in trouble for it. Besides, I broke that kid Jeremy’s nose already.” John gave her a small smile,

“Okay. Night, Shaw.”

—————

Shaw’s week long suspension ended and she headed back to school. She found out that Jeremy’s parents had taken him out of school and sent him to some fancy private school. The others were back, but all of them ignored each other. Shaw noticed some of the other kids looking at her funny now. Where before they had simply ignored her, now there were looks, and whispers. If she needed to get past a group, they scurried a little farther out of her way than entirely necessary. She didn’t care. The notoriety was almost appealing. 

She and Root spent the day ignoring each other like usual, until English class. When the bell rang signaling for them to go to lunch, Root stopped by Shaw’s desk.

“Wait.” She said. Shaw glared at her,

“I’m hungry.”

“You can eat after I talk to you.” Shaw stared at her and Root sighed, she reached into her bag and pulled out a bag of chips. She tossed it onto Shaw’s desk and Shaw opened it and immediately put one in her mouth.

“Okay, talk.” Shaw said with her mouth full. 

“Why’d you help me?” Root asked. Shaw shrugged,

“Why’d you help me?” She responded. Root paused,

“I don’t know. I got mad.”

“Me too.”

“I still hate you.”

“I still hate you too.” Shaw assured her.

“I just don’t like it when other people hate you.” Root told her. Shaw nodded, she could understand that. They hated each other. Really hated each other. Nobody else could bother them because they didn’t get it.

“We aren’t friends.” Shaw said. Root wrinkled her nose,

“Ew. Of course not.”

“Just making sure. Am I allowed to go now?” Root rolled her eyes,

“Fine. Stupid.”

“Annoying.” Shaw called over her shoulder as she headed to the cafeteria.

—————

**Shaw: Thirteen years old**

Shaw woke up early on her birthday. It was a habit she had gotten into in the years she’d lived with Harold and Grace. They always cooked a special breakfast. Then she got presents, and to pick where they went out to dinner. That tiny part of her filled up with so much love and happiness that she could almost hear it. Almost.

Shaw headed downstairs and sure enough Grace was at the counter, a large wrapped box on the table.

“What’re you making?” Shaw asked. Grace smiled at her,

“Happy birthday! I’m making cinnamon rolls.” Shaw grinned,

“Awesome.”

“Want to help? You’re up early anyway.” Shaw thought about it, then nodded. She rolled up the sleeves to the pajama shirt she was wearing and helped Grace make the cinnamon rolls.

“You know you can just buy dough for these, right?” She asked as they put them in the oven. Grace smiled,

“I know. But mine taste better.” Shaw nodded,

“And you put more frosting on.” Grace laughed at that. Shaw sat on the counter and they talked while they waited for the cinnamon rolls to cook. Harold came into the room next, placing his gift for Shaw on the table. It was strangely shaped, but Shaw could tell Grace had helped him wrap it because all the corners were tucked in neatly. John came down right as Grace was taking the cinnamon rolls out of the oven. He put his own gift to Shaw, a small box, on the table.

“Breakfast smells great, Mom.” He said, sitting at the table while Grace put the frosting on the cinnamon rolls.

Shaw wolfed down her breakfast before grinning at the rest of them,

“Presents?” She asked. Grace nodded and Shaw grabbed John’s first. It was a video game. She’d actually wanted it for a while, but she smirked at him anyway,

“Did you get this just so you could play it?” She asked. He shrugged innocently,

“It’s yours. Who plays it is up to you. But if you wanted to share…” She rolled her eyes,

“I’ll let you play when I’m done.” She said, grabbing Harold’s present next. It was a helmet.

“Thanks…?” She asked. He smiled at her,

“It’s to wear while you’re riding your new bicycle, which is in the shed out back.” Shaw grinned at him,

“Thanks, Finch!” She grabbed Grace’s present, tearing the paper off. It was a new baseball bat (her old one had gotten broken somehow). 

“Cool, thank you, Mom!” Grace smiled at her,

“Of course, Shaw. Happy Birthday. Now go ahead, you don’t need to worry about the dishes today.” Shaw hopped up and ran out to the shed to see her new bike. It was black, her favourite colour. Finch was awesome.

She wheeled it out, but almost fell over when she saw Root biking towards her on a bright red bike.

“What are you doing here?” Shaw demanded. Root ignored the question and stood her bike on it’s kickstand, getting something out of her bike’s basket. She held it out to Shaw,

“Happy Birthday.” She said. Shaw took it automatically and looked down, it was a cupcake. Root had already turned around and started biking away. Shaw looked at the cupcake again. It was chocolate with white frosting and blue letters saying “Still not friends”. Shaw snorted and brought it inside. She broke off a piece and held it out to John.

“Eat this.” She commanded. John frowned, but put it in his mouth.

“It’s pretty good.” He said after he swallowed.

“You feel okay?” Shaw asked. He nodded,

“Uh, pretty good. Why?”

“Good. It’s not poisoned.” Shaw said, taking a big bite. John was right, it was pretty good.

“What?” John asked, Shaw shrugged,

“Don’t worry about it.” She told him, going back outside,

“Thanks for the bike, Finch!” She called as she passed his office.

—————

Three days later, Shaw went into Grace’s studio.

“Do you know when Root’s birthday is?” She asked, Grace paused,

“Why?”

“She knows my birthday. I don’t know hers.” Grace raised an eyebrow but turned back to her painting,

“It’s November eighteenth. Do you want to get her something?” Shaw scoffed,

“No way.”

The tiny part of Shaw’s mind wanted to get Root something. If Shaw had been listening, she would have called that part of her an idiot.

—————

School started again and Shaw was able to sit in the back of the bus again. Root was in several of her classes again this year. Shaw kept an eye on her. Root had become more unpredictable since the fight. Shaw still didn’t know why she’d given her the cupcake. Fortunately, Root seemed content to continue their pattern of ignoring each other. 

Shaw discovered that people were even more terrified of her now that she was an eighth grader. She was small enough that she might have been mistaken for a sixth grader if her reputation hadn’t preceded her. It was the sort of school where fights were rare enough that hers was still talked about. The rumors had become ridiculously exaggerated.

People said that she took on five people and didn’t get a scratch on her. They said that Jeremy had gone to the hospital and still hadn’t woken up. They said that if she looked at you for longer than ten seconds, it meant you were next. None of these things were true, and most people didn’t really believe them. But they still avoided her. Just in case.

Shaw went through her usual school day routine for the first month and a half of school. Then the day before November eighteenth, she convinced Grace to let her make some cookies. Thankfully, Grace was easy to convince, and asked a suspiciously few number of questions. Shaw put a few of them in a baggie, but she and John ate the rest.

The next day at school, Shaw passed by Root’s seat in their first class. She threw the bag of cookies at her head. She wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or not when Root managed to catch the bag before it hit her.

“Happy birthday.” Shaw muttered as she walked by. She didn’t look at Root at all during the exchange.

Halfway through the class, Root turned in her seat and offered Shaw a bright smile before turning back to face the front.

The tiny part Shaw ignored felt oddly satisfied, but this time it was so quiet that it almost wasn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POI SPOILERS: Root dying sucked. I've seen a lot of responses to the machine taking on her voice/persona, some people like it, some people hate it. Irrelevant. Anybody who's having a rough time dealing, I'm just letting you know you're free to pop into my inbox on tumblr anytime. And if you're using what I call the "everybody but me rule: THIS MEANS YOU TOO. You matter enough that I will talk to you, even if we've never spoken before. Have a good, safe night guys!
> 
> As always, if you want to check out my ranting/flailing, or send me prompts, you can check out PhaseWriter on tumblr


	3. I Don't Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw and Root are in high school! Root is eager to turn over a new leaf in their relationship. Shaw takes a little longer to come around, but maybe the two of them will change their dynamic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM
> 
> A little less fluff this chapter, fair warning, but I hope you enjoy! Thankyou so much for all the lovely kudos and comments! You are all so sweet and it's incredibly motivating. You also might have noticed that this work is now part of a series. That's because I have a few ideas for after my intended ending so there will probably be a few tidbits afterwards!

**Shaw: Fourteen Years Old**

It was Shaw’s first day of high school. She rode the bus with John again. Lionel nodded at her when they reached his stop. He didn’t question it anymore. Shaw sat with John. It was just what they did. The tiny part that Shaw didn’t listen to was slightly relieved that they hadn’t stopped, even though they’d gotten older.

Shaw made it to her homeroom without much trouble. She walked in the door and saw Root sitting there. The blond girl had died her hair brown. She’d also let it grow out a little. She smiled brightly at Shaw and Shaw glared at her suspiciously. Root seemed unperturbed by Shaw’s animosity.

For her fourteenth birthday, she hadn’t seen Root, but there had been an unsigned card in the mailbox taped to a bag of candy, and Root was the only one outside their family who knew when Shaw’s birthday was. Shaw picked a seat in the back of the room, away from Root.

What she didn’t expect was for Root to follow her, picking up her bag and leaving her seat in the front of the room. Shaw didn’t look at Root while she sat down.

“What are you doing?” She asked, not moving her eyes from the front. 

“Sitting down.”

“Root…”

“Sameen.” The use of her first name was new. Usually it annoyed Shaw, but this time it didn’t. The fact that it didn’t annoy her was even more annoying. It did make her finally turn to face Root. The girl had a small smile on her face.

“What?” She asked. Root shrugged,

“Why do we fight all the time?” She asked. Shaw shrugged,

“Because we hate each other?” She suggested. Root shrugged,

“Do we have to hate each other?”

“We always have. And why would I want to mess with a good thing?”

“It’s high school, Sameen,” there was her first name again, “fresh starts and everything.” She flicked her brown hair over her shoulder as though to illustrate her point. Shaw wasn’t sure what to do with this. Root had always been unpredictable, but this was an entirely new situation.

“I thought we still weren’t friends.” Shaw said. Root smiled tentatively,

“Why can’t we be?” Shaw shrugged, she didn’t have an answer to that. The tiny part of her mind was…happy. She had gotten good at ignoring it though.

“Do whatever you want.” She muttered. Root was quiet for the rest of homeroom but she turned to Shaw again when they stood up,

“So…not enemies?” She suggested. Shaw just rolled her eyes and walked away.

“I’m taking that as a yes!” Root called after her.

—————

Shaw spent the next few weeks falling into a normal school routine. John fell into his old habit of waving her over to eat lunch with him and his friends. He started an on-again-off-again relationship with one of them, Zoe Morgan. Shaw didn’t dislike her.

She went home from school one day and Root came in a few hours later with Iris.

“You’re back again?” Shaw asked, Root nodded,

“Yeah, back again.” Root said. Iris smiled at Shaw,

“Hey, Shaw! How’s it going?”

“I’m fine.” Shaw said. Harold and Grace came into the living room.

“John, come help Root with her bag!” Grace called. Root shook her head,

“It’s fine, Grace, really. It’s small, I can take it up myself.” John came into the room and Root added, “Besides, he’d probably drop it.” Shaw raised an eyebrow,

“What happened to fresh starts?” She asked. Root smiled at her,

“There are such things as hopeless cases, Sameen.” The rest of the family looked in confusion between the two girls. Root smiled brighter, “I’m going to take my bag upstairs. Same room?” She asked. Grace nodded,

“Yes, same room, we’ll just finish up with Iris. Shaw, you want to help Root get settled in?” Shaw couldn’t think of a good excuse not to go, so she shrugged and stood up. She and Root headed up the stairs.

“Not a lot of settling in to do.” Shaw noted when they got up. Root had just tossed her bag onto her bed and flopped down next to it, not seeming at all concerned with unpacking.

“Well, when you’re used to being in and out you learn to travel light.” Root said flippantly. Shaw leaned against the door frame,

“Why are you only here for a little each time?” Shaw asked. Root shrugged,

“I used to have a sister. After Hannah died it was just Mom and me and she…changed. She’s in and out of hospitals and rehab centers all the time. Whenever she can’t be home, I come here.” Root said the story almost cheerfully, like she couldn’t care less. Shaw pretended not to notice the slight waver that had crept into the other girl’s voice, or the way her eyes had gone slightly misty.

“I’m sorry.” Shaw told her. She said the words because it was What People Said, but the little part of her that she didn’t listen to meant it, completely. Root shrugged off her apology,

“Life goes on, Sameen.” She said, smiling at Shaw, “Besides, now I get to spend more time with you.” Shaw rolled her eyes. She felt like she did that a lot when Root was around.

“Just because we’re not enemies, doesn’t mean we’re friends.” Shaw told her, turning to go.

“But you just admitted that we’re not enemies!” Root sang. Shaw rolled her eyes again and wondered if it was possible for them to get stuck like that like Grace had warned her years ago.

—————

“She’s confusing.” Shaw complained to John one day while they were doing homework. Root had already finished and gone to Harold’s office. The two technophiles were making a code for…something or other in there.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say you’re talking about Root?” John said mildly, not looking up. Shaw groaned,

“We spend our entire childhoods hating each other-”

“Because you’re so grown up now.” John muttered. Shaw ignored him,

“-and suddenly she dyes her hair and gets a new personality or something? She wants to be friends, John. Friends. I don’t do friends.”

“Maybe you should try?” John suggested. Root narrowed her eyes at him,

“Why are you taking her side? Did she get to you, too?” John smiled slightly,

“She didn’t get to me, she still hates me, remember? I’m just saying that maybe it would be good for you to have a friend or two.” Shaw just looked at him. The tiny part she ignored was bouncing up and down in agreement, but everything else in her, all the parts she listened to, were telling her that that was one of the dumbest things she’d ever heard.

“I hang out with Devon and Michael.” She said. John raised his eyebrows,

“Oh? And you’re so close to them that you braid each other’s hair and talk about feelings?” Shaw punched his shoulder,

“That’s stupid.” She told him. He shrugged and turned back to his math problems,

“Face it, Shaw, Devon and Michael may be the closest thing you have to friends, but you’ve never actually let them in.”

“I don’t need to let people in.” Shaw muttered, packing away her books. John looked up at her before she left,

“You might need to someday.” He said seriously. Shaw just rolled her eyes and walked away.

—————

Living with Root this time was different. She still kept her habit of spending most of her time with Harold, but now when she came out to spend time with Shaw (and occasionally, by extension, John) her company wasn’t entirely unbearable. When Root’s birthday rolled around, Shaw came to see what Grace was working on for breakfast.

“Not blueberries.” Shaw said, as Grace reached to add them to the pancake mix. Grace raised an eyebrow,

“Shaw, I thought you loved blueberries.” Shaw shrugged,

“You’re making these for Root’s birthday. At school, whenever there’s anything with blueberries, like a muffin or something, she picks all of them out. She likes chocolate, though.” Grace moved her hand away from the fruit and grabbed a box of chocolate chips from the cupboard,

“It’s nice to see you and Root getting along.” She said happily, “I hoped that in time you two might be friends.”

“Keep hoping,” Shaw warned, “I’m not friends with Root.”

“Give it time. You will be.” Grace and Shaw turned at the voice to see Root coming into the kitchen.

“Happy birthday, Root!” Grace said, Root smiled,

“Thank you, Grace.”

“Happy birthday.” Shaw muttered.

“Aw, Sameen, you do care.” Shaw rolled her eyes,

“Whatever, nerd.” She muttered, turning back to help Grace with breakfast. Root peeked over the counter,

“Chocolate chip pancakes? How did you guys know that those are my favourite?” She grinned. Grace raised her eyebrows at Shaw. Shaw just turned away and put a few chocolate chips in her mouth. 

—————

**Shaw: Fifteen Years Old**

Shaw and John got back from their karate class and raced to get into the shower. John’s longer legs won out and Shaw growled at the door before going into her room. She flopped on the bed and heard a knock thirty seconds later.

“Mmmh?” she didn’t raise her head from her pillow.

“May I come in?” Root asked. Shaw looked up at that and nodded. Root came in and perched delicately on the bed.

“What do you want?” Shaw asked. Root shrugged,

“Can’t I just come spend time with you?” She asked. Shaw snorted,

“It may be summer, but we don’t need to be in class to see each other. We live together, Root.”

“For now.” Root said. Shaw decided she didn’t need to answer that so she just put her head down on her pillow again. They stayed in silence for a little while before Root spoke again,

“You know, when I was little I was always jealous when I came here. You and John always went to karate class and there was no point in signing me up when we didn’t know when I would leave.”

“You used to say that karate was stupid.” Shaw pointed out. Root laughed,

“Small children aren’t always great at dealing with their emotions, Sameen. I said it was stupid because I couldn’t do it.”

“I could teach you.” Shaw told her. She didn’t know what prompted the offer, and the only thing that surprised her more than making it was the fact that she didn’t even want to take it back. Root turned to her,

“Would you?” She asked, she looked excited by the prospect.

“Yeah, whatever. I don’t have anything better to do during the summer.” She said. She heard the bathroom door open and jumped up.

“John, I shower first next time!” She called as she got in and closed the door behind her.

If she had been listening to that tiny part of her, she might have heard it laughing with happiness.

—————

Two weeks later, Shaw was still making good on her offer to teach Root.

“Come on, you can punch harder than that.” Shaw said. Root tried the punch Shaw was showing her again and Shaw shook her head,

“Nope, too hard, you need to be able to keep your form while punching.” Root furrowed her brow but didn’t argue, trying again. Shaw nodded,

“That was good. Try again like that.” Root was about to try again but Grace poked her head outside,

“Girls, you need to wrap up what you’re doing!” She called, “Root, Iris is here to pick you up.” Root dropped her fists.

“Guess it’s time for me to leave.” She said, heading back into the house. Shaw followed. The tiny part that she didn’t listen to was pouting with disappointment. Root had been surprisingly pleasant this summer. She didn’t listen to that part. 

“Good riddance.” Shaw said, but it lacked her usual conviction and she thought Root could tell by the small smile that graced her face.

They both headed inside. Root went upstairs to pack her small bag and Shaw stayed in the hall so she could say goodbye.

“Going to miss your friend, Shaw?” John asked.

“We aren’t friends.” Shaw told him automatically. He smiled,

“Of course not.”

Shaw glared at him but he didn’t say anything else. She turned to see Root coming down.

“Bye Harold, bye Grace.” She said. They said their usual goodbyes and Root turned to Shaw again.

“Will you keep teaching me karate?” She asked. Shaw shrugged,

“I guess. We can do it after school or something.” Root beamed at her before turning away and leaving to where Iris was waiting in her car.

The house felt oddly empty for the rest of the summer.

—————

Sophomore year of high school started out like every other year of school. The only difference was that on Thursdays, Shaw stayed late to keep teaching Root karate. She told herself that she didn’t have anything better to do. It was a good excuse to procrastinate on doing her homework for an extra hour. The little part of her that she ignored knew she was lying.

Two weeks after schools started, Shaw was walking home after one of her Thursday sessions with Root. She was jumped by an upperclassmen (she later found out it was the older brother of the boy whose nose she had broken in middle school). The two of them fought, Shaw won.

It felt good, to let out the anger that was so often bubbling beneath the surface. The two of them never got caught by the school or parents for fighting, but a week later, that boy was in the same private school as his younger brother. And Shaw had a new hobby.

She didn’t sit back and ignore it when people bothered her anymore. She fixed it. The boy who refused to call her by her last name came into school with a black eye. He never called her anything but “Shaw” again. The girl who led her friends in mocking laughter every time Shaw passed her in the bathroom spent even more time there, applying makeup to cover up the bruises. Kids who had used to come up and talk to her for a dare got bloody noses. Every time it felt like it helped. Made the anger go away, just a little bit. The next time, the anger always came back faster, and stronger. Shaw had to deal with it again.

Grace was worried, Shaw could tell. She wouldn’t explain how she kept getting battered and bruised. John heard whispers of his sister getting into fights, but couldn’t get her to talk about it either. Harold let her know on a daily basis that if she needed help with anything, she could come to him. She always nodded seriously at him and said, “Thanks, Finch.” Before turning away without another word.

Root didn’t seem to be aware of Shaw’s violent pastime. She continued to be rather alone in class, even more so now that whenever teachers told them to work together she would make a beeline for Shaw. The tiny part that Shaw ignored was grateful, for that. It was nice to have someone still treating her the same. 

It lasted almost the entire year.

—————

School was letting out for the summer in less than three weeks and Shaw supposed this was inevitable. She’d gotten caught hitting a freshman for taking the last muffin at lunch. Petty, even she could admit, but she’d gotten angry. She was spending the hour after school in an empty classroom, with a teacher glancing up at her anxiously every thirty seconds. She couldn’t blame him. She’d spent the last half hour staring him down. It was the only source of amusement that she was allowed.

It was a Thursday, too. She was supposed to be teaching Root right now. Would Root make her explain why she hadn’t showed beyond “I had a thing”? Probably. Dammit. Shaw tapped her fingers on the desk in irritation. She considered fighting the stupid teacher for keeping her here, but dismissed the idea. She’d get a lot worse than a detention for that. Harold and Grace had been called, she knew she was in for a lecture when she got home. She tapped her fingers faster and kept glaring at the teacher.

When her hour was finally up, the teacher practically pushed her out of the room. He’d actually started to sweat in the air-conditioned room under Shaw’s gaze. She smirked and started heading to the school doors.

What she didn’t expect to see, was Root waiting for her by the gates.

“What are you doing here?” Shaw asked. Root raised an eyebrow like it should be obvious,

“You didn’t show up.” She said. Shaw shrugged,

“Sorry.” She said it because it was what she was supposed to say. The tiny part of her that she ignored actually meant it. She still didn’t hear that part.

“What were you doing for the last hour?” Root pressed.

“Detention.”

“Detention for what?” Shaw rolled her eyes. She really wasn’t going to get away without explaining.

“Fighting. People piss me off, I fight them. I got caught. Happy now?” Root nodded,

“I’d have been happier if you’d told me ahead of time, but I guess this will do.” Shaw frowned. That was not the answer she had been expecting.

“So, you aren’t going to tell me that violence is never the answer and I need to stop hitting people?” Root smiled at that,

“Would it help?”

“No.”

“See? This is what friends are for.” Root cocked her head to the side and smiled sweetly. 

“We’re not friends.” Shaw reminded her. She didn’t even believe herself this time though. Root’s smile widened,

“It’s okay. We can pretend if you aren’t ready to admit it yet.” She told her, before unlocking her bike from where it stood at the gate. She got on and headed off, leaving Shaw to make her long walk home.

Harold and Grace were waiting for her. She figured they would be.

“Living room. Now.” Grace said. She didn’t look happy. The tiny part that Shaw ignored quaked with nerves. Grace was never angry. Fortunately, the parts Shaw actually listened to were calm and collected. Shaw followed them to the living room and they sat down.

“Last time you got in trouble for fighting someone, Shaw, you actually had a reason.” Harold said, “The school told us that your reason this time was over a muffin? Why on earth would you hit a poor boy over a snack?” Shaw shrugged,

“I got mad.” 

“Have you been getting mad all year?” Grace asked quietly. Shaw looked at her,

“This is my first detention. I haven’t been getting in trouble all year.” It wasn’t a lie. Grace shook her head,

“You haven’t been getting  _ caught _ all year.” She corrected, before staring directly at Shaw, “I’ve asked before, I didn’t want to push, but now I have to. Sameen Shaw, you tell me where you’ve been getting those bruises all year.” Grace had never used Shaw’s full name before. That, more than anything made Shaw stop dancing around the subject.

“I fight people.” She said. She didn’t say it guiltily, she didn’t feel bad about it. She didn’t say it proudly either though. It was just a fact. The sky was blue, water was wet, Shaw fought people. Harold looked completely baffled.

“ _ Why _ ?” He asked after several moments.

“They piss me off. I fight them. I’m not pissed off anymore. And usually, nobody makes me mad twice.” Harold still looked utterly confused by Shaw’s logic.

“So your solution is to fight the entire world so that nobody will make you angry?” He asked. Shaw jerked her head in a way that was neither a yes or a no. Logistics aside, that didn’t seem like the worst option in the world.

“Shaw. If someone attacks you, I want you to defend yourself.” Grace told her, “But we can’t support you attacking them first.”

“So…I’m grounded?” Shaw asked. Grace shook her head,

“No. You don’t care if you’re grounded.” Shaw couldn’t deny that, but she was slightly worried. Grace really wanted this to be a punishment.

“Painting.” Grace finally said. Shaw frowned, 

“What?”

“You’ll come to my studio with me. Every day after homework. Then for the entire summer. You will spend all of your spare time in my studio, painting.”

“Why?” Shaw asked, completely nonplussed. Fortunately, Harold looked just as confused.

“Grace, I’m not quite sure how painting is an adequate punishment.”

“Not that I want to be punished, but I’m with Finch on this one, Mom.” Shaw said.

“Shaw, punishments aren’t supposed to be displays of power. They’re supposed to be lessons,” Grace explained, “I could ground you all summer, but you would probably go back to school next year and do the same thing. You need to let out your emotions in a way that doesn’t hurt people. So we’re going to try painting.”

Harold was looking at Grace like she’d just solved the chaos theory. It was almost nauseating. Shaw spoke again,

“What if painting doesn’t work?” She was skeptical, to say the least. Grace shrugged,

“Then we’ll work on finding something else.” She said calmly, “You can go now, Shaw.” Shaw nodded and headed to her room. As she was heading up the stairs, she heard Harold speaking to Grace.

“The world doesn’t deserve someone as good as you.” Grace laughed,

“Harold, everyone deserves good things.”

The tiny part of Shaw that she ignored perked up. Everyone deserved good things. Her too?

Shaw stopped by John’s room before she went to her own. He was lying on his bed, a book open in front of him, looking entirely too casual.

“You were listening?” She asked. He looked like he might deny it, but nodded instead. 

“Painting, huh? You get the best punishments.” He joked. Shaw rolled her eyes.

“I need a favour.” She said. John looked up,

“As long as you aren’t asking me to fight people for you. I’ll do it if someone attacks you, but not just cause they took a muffin.” Shaw grimaced,

“I’m never living that down, am I?”

“Nope.”

“Well, relax. I don’t want you to fight anybody for me. But you’re going to wish I’d asked you to. You know how on Thursdays I teach Root karate?” John nodded,

“Yeah…”

“I’ll ask Harold and Grace, but I’m probably not allowed to spend time without them knowing exactly where I am. So if I can’t keep teaching her, can you?” John raised an eyebrow,

“Wow. You guys really are friends now.”

“Whatever.” Shaw didn’t bother denying it this time, “Will you do it?”

“Will she want me to? You guys may be braiding hair and sharing secrets, but she still just calls me a big lug.” Shaw shrugged,

“If she wants you to, will you do it?” John looked at her for several moments before nodding.

“Fine. For you, not her.” Shaw nodded,

“Yeah, thanks.”

—————

**Shaw: Sixteen Years Old**

Shaw finally made it to Junior Year. She had spent the entire summer painting with Grace. She wasn’t particularly good at it, nor did she feel the same sense of peace that seemed to envelope Grace after a full day of painting. But Grace had tried to help her. Shaw was determined to stay out of trouble this year. For Grace.

Shaw went to class, did her work, went home. She was back to teaching Root karate on Thursdays, much to the other girl’s delight.

And when somebody made her angry, Shaw clenched her jaw, narrowed her eyes, and went on her way. It felt like shit, but breaking her promise to Grace would be worse. She left school angry, wanting someone to hurt, she spent her evenings pacing around her bedroom, trying to get the anger out until she finally collapsed onto her bed, utterly exhausted.

It was during one of these times that she did it for the first time. She was pacing her room, she’d probably wear the carpet down with this route. To the door, to the window, to the bed, and back to the door. Then she spotted her old swiss army knife. The one John had given to her on her first birthday with their family. She didn’t know what drew her to the blade, except that she wanted someone to hurt and the only one around was her. She flicked out the knife.

The cut wasn’t deep, but it stung, and blood welled up. Shaw felt the same sense of relief that she had gotten from picking fights and there was a small smile on her face when she went to bed that night.

The summer heat hadn’t faded yet, but Shaw wore long sleeves.

That was her new routine. It started out small. Every day that someone made her angry, Shaw would grit her teeth and wait until the evening, where a new cut would join the growing collection on her arms. As the weeks rolled by, it got worse. She started keeping a blade in her bag, going to the bathroom whenever somebody made her angry. Fall started to come, and nobody thought twice about her long sleeves. Grace seemed to know something was up, but Shaw just told her that she was working on not fighting people anymore. Grace had smiled proudly at that. The tiny part of her that Shaw ignored squirmed with guilt. It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t the truth.

Root seemed to guess something was wrong too. In the few classes they had together, and on Thursday afternoons while they practiced karate, Shaw noticed the other girl giving her concerned looks out of the corner of her eye. Shaw told herself that she didn’t care. She almost believed it.

John had gone to college, too. Shaw was almost grateful. He’d always kept an eye on her, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to hide this from him. He came back for winter break. She smirked and punched his shoulder and the tiny part of her she didn’t listen to danced with joy because she missed her big brother. Not that she knew she missed him. She still didn’t listen to that part. The day before John was set to leave, she heard him talking to Grace and Harold.

“What’s going on with Shaw? She seems…different.” John asked. Shaw stopped on the stairs when she heard her name.

“She has been acting a little more reserved lately, even for her.” Harold agreed.

“She’s trying to work through herself.” Grace said, “She’s stopped getting into fights.”

“Mom, you have to admit, something’s wrong.” John said quietly. There was a small sound that Shaw thought was Grace sighing.

“I know. Who knows, maybe she’s just lonely without you. At least she still has Root.”

“I hope it’s enough.” John said doubtfully. Shaw swallowed. She didn’t want to listen anymore. She crept back to her bedroom and pulled out her blade.

—————

“Shaw we have something for you!” Grace called. It was a Saturday, and Shaw usually didn’t leave her bed until noon, but she groaned and pulled herself out of bed when Grace called her. She went down the stairs with a scowl on her face.

“I was slee-holy crap!” There was a puppy in the living room. An adorable brown puppy with perky ears. When he saw her, he ran to her and started licking her bare toes. She picked him up.

“Why is there a puppy?” She asked, smiling slightly when he squirmed in her arms. Harold grinned proudly,

“I thought you might be a bit lonely, without John here. I’ll take him to dog training courses while you’re at school, and Grace will feed him. You’re in charge of walks.”

“I can do walks.” Shaw said, flinching and letting out a small breath of laughter when wet puppy nose came a little too close to her ear.

“What’s his name?” She asked. Grace smiled,

“I don’t know, what is it?” Shaw looked at the little thing.

“Bear.” She decided. Harold smirked,

“Rather small bear, but this breed gets big enough that he might earn it.” He said. Shaw nodded and smiled.

She stayed away from her blade for the entire week.

—————

Shaw and Root were in the same gym class this year, Shaw had been mildly surprised to find that Root was one of the few people who could actually keep up with her. Shaw came into gym class to hear some very unwelcome news;

“Alright, class. We’re starting our swimming unit. Come on, down to the pool.”

“Shit.” Shaw swore. Root gave her a strange look,

“Not a huge fan of water, Sameen?” Shaw shrugged. She couldn’t say the real reason it was a problem, but bathing suits. She didn’t give a damn what her classmates thought, for the most part, but Root would push for answers once she saw Shaw’s arms. Paradoxically, right now there was nothing she wanted more than to add to them. She was safe that day, the teacher for some reason felt the need to tell a bunch of high schoolers the pool safety rules. Shaw would usually be bored by this, but anything that kept her from the pool for another day was a good thing.

The next day she wasn’t so lucky. She waited until most of the other girls had filed out of the locker room before changing quickly in the bathroom. She came out and jumped in surprise. Root was waiting for her.

“Sameen, what happened?” She asked, glancing at Shaw’s arms.

“That’s a big question. No small talk first?”

“Sameen, what happened?” Root repeated. Shaw clenched her jaw.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It absolutely matters!” Root snapped, surprising Shaw. Root hadn’t spoken so sharply to her in years, and in the past it had been for a childhood rivalry, not whatever…this was. 

“I’m fine.” Shaw persisted, trying to go out. Root held out her arms and blocked the doorway.

“That isn’t fine. Tell me.” Shaw rolled her eyes,

“You wanna know what happened? I happened. Satisfied?” She was glaring at Root, but Root didn’t return the glare, instead, her eyes softened. She went to her bag and pulled out a black sharpie.

“What are you doing?” Shaw asked. Out of all the reactions she had expected from Root, this was not one of them.

“Be quiet and sit down.” Root commanded. Shaw obeyed, surprising herself. Root settled next to her and uncapped the pen. She brought it to Shaw’s skin and started drawing.

“What the fuck?” Shaw asked, staring at the way Root’s brow was slightly furrowed in concentration.

“Shh, I don’t wanna mess this up.” Root said. Shaw stopped asking questions and just watched. Root drew butterflies, and trees, animals, flowers. Then she moved to the other time and did the same. The end result was actually quite pretty. Not that Shaw would say that out loud. The two of them had used up almost the entire class period, but neither of them cared.

“What was that for?” Shaw asked. Root capped her pen and put it back in her bag.

“You’re not allowed to mess up the pictures.” She said sternly, “I worked hard on those.” Shaw glanced down at her arms. It would be a shame to spoil them.

“When the sharpie fades away, if you don’t mess up the pictures, I’ll bake you something. Then I’ll draw more.” Root told her. 

The tiny part inside Shaw was crying with relief, dancing in gratitude, but Shaw didn’t hear it. She looked at Root and nodded,

“Fine. Only because you’re a passable cook.”

“You’re so sweet.” Root smiled, before glancing at the clock, “We might as well get changed back into our clothes, we’ve missed the entire lesson.” 

The two of them changed and left.

The first time the pen marks faded, Root baked Shaw cookies. Next time it was a cake. Then pie. Every time Root drew the pictures again. When summer came, they faded the last time and Root wasn’t there to put them back. Shaw promised herself that she wouldn’t need them anymore.

When she came down wearing a t-shirt and Harold and Grace asked about the scars, she looked them in the eyes and told them she was done. She meant it.

—————

**Shaw: Seventeen Years Old**

Shaw started her senior year of high school with two goals; no fighting anybody, no more blades. She had somehow managed to keep her grades up, and was in a good place for graduation. People still made her angry though. She couldn’t fight them. She couldn’t take out her knife. She swallowed the anger and moved forward.

She was able to handle that for about a month before she couldn’t take it anymore. She was outside on her lunch break when she needed to hit something. The closest thing was a brick wall. It felt good to let loose, so she hit it again, and again.

When she went back to her classes her knuckles were swollen and throbbing, but she felt lighter than she had in months.

She kept doing it. When Shaw got angry, she took it out on walls. They didn’t get hurt, they didn’t fight back. Senior year, her knuckles were constantly swollen and dark with bruises. At first she worried about it. Hands are harder to hide than arms, but she soon found out an interesting truth; hardly anybody looks at hands. Harold and Grace didn’t notice. Root didn’t notice. The few times John came to visit from college he didn’t notice. Shaw thought that maybe Bear noticed, considering the amount of time he spent licking the bruises, but she decided that it was okay if the dog knew. Better him than anybody else.

They got a transfer student that year, Romeo. He was an attractive boy who was in several of Shaw’s classes, and spent a strange amount of time smirking at her.

She ended up having sex for her first time with him, she liked it. A week after he asked her to be his girlfriend and she turned him down. She didn’t like him.

It did open up some interesting avenues for her. She had short flings with both boys and girls that year. The boys asked her to date them. She always turned them down. Some of the girls asked too. Some of them were just trying to figure things out. Shaw didn’t mind helping, but she didn’t get it either. If someone was hot, you could find them attractive. She thought that they thought too hard about it. She mentioned it to Root once. The girl smiled sadly at her,

“Sameen, not everyone has Harold and Grace for parents. Cut these girls some slack.” Shaw had shrugged and gone back to teaching karate. Root was distracted though,

“I am glad you turn them all down, though.” She confessed. Shaw frowned,

“Why?”

“Prom. I have nobody to go with. Might as well go with my friend.” Shaw rolled her eyes,

“Please. I don’t do dances. Besides, bat your eyes at any guy and make him take you if it’s so important.” Root actually laughed at that,

“Sameen, I don’t particularly want to go with a guy.” She said. Shaw shrugged,

“I could give you some names of girls who might be interested.” She said. Root shook her head,

“No, it’s fine. I don’t need a wingman. I can get someone.” 

That day, Shaw punched a wall until her knuckles bled.

—————

It was a Friday night. Harold and Grace had gone to the city for their wedding anniversary. They had a hotel for the night and wouldn’t be back till morning. Shaw was at home in jeans and a t-shirt, with her hair in a braid to keep it out of the way. When there was a knock at the door. She frowned and paused the game she was playing to open it. Her eyes went wide when she did.

Root was standing there, in a royal purple dress that glittered as she moved. Her hair was artfully curled around her face and she was smiling at Shaw and standing there as though she had just come to casually call on a friend.

“Are you going to keep staring, or are you going to let me in?” Root asked. Shaw stepped aside,

“Come on in. Why are you dressed like that?” Shaw asked. Bear came out to greet Root and sat obediently while she petted him. Root smiled at Shaw over the dog.

“Shaw, it’s prom night.” Shaw shrugged,

“Told you, not going to prom, no reason to pay attention to the date. Why are you here, anyway?”

“Because you’re not going to prom.” Root said, wandering into the living room, “So I figured I’d bring prom to you.” She plugged her phone into the stereo and music started playing. She turned to Shaw with a mischievous smile,

“Time to dance, Sameen!” She sang. Shaw couldn’t help the small smirk, but she shook her head,

“I don’t dance.” She said. Root laughed,

“Then I’ll teach you, come on!” Root grabbed Shaw’s hands and pulled her into the middle of the room, moving with exaggerated movements so that Shaw would follow along. Bear came sniffing between them, making them both smile.

The night was…not atrocious. Root finally did get Shaw to dance properly. And She glared playfully,

“You said you couldn’t dance!” She accused. Shaw shrugged,

“I said I don’t. There’s a difference.” She corrected. Root laughed again and kept dancing.

The tiny part of Shaw’s mind was laughing with delight and for once she heard it. Root’s excitement when Shaw let out a small laugh of her own only made her laugh harder. 

They danced together, and with Bear, then they ordered pizza and Root stayed in the room down the hall like she always did when she lived with them. When Harold and Grace came back that night, they were surprised to see Root dressed in some of Shaw’s spare clothes (they were just a little small on her), playing video games on the couch.

“Root! This is a surprise!” Grace smiled. Root nodded,

“Yeah, prom was last night.” Grace turned to Shaw,

“Prom? You didn’t tell us! Did you have something to wear? Did you take pictures?” Shaw rolled her eyes,

“Mom, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t go.”

“I brought prom to her.” Root explained. Harold looked between the girls.

“If I ask for an explanation, will I understand the answer?” He asked.

“Probably not.” Shaw told him, “I don’t get it, and I was there.”

Harold nodded and turned to bring the small suitcase he and Grace had brought upstairs. Grace scrutinized the two girls before apparently deciding to let the matter go.

“So have you girls have breakfast yet?”

—————

Graduation came. The tiny part that Shaw had gone back to ignoring after prom was excited. Not hearing it’s excitement, Shaw was so calm she was almost bored. Grace insisted on a thousand pictures of her in her cap and gown, and then some with Root (who had been valedictorian). Root’s mother wasn’t there, but Shaw was almost grateful for it. It meant that Grace fussed over Root like her daughter, taking some of the attention off of her.

“Root, do you and your mother have plans tonight?” Harold asked. Root shook her head,

“No. I think she’s busy.”

“Then why don’t you come to dinner with us?” He offered. Grace nodded enthusiastically,

“Yes! We want to celebrate both of you growing up!”

“I’d love to.” Root smiled broadly.

Dinner was nice. Root asked about Shaw’s plans. She was going to go to college in Boston, majoring in criminal justice like John. Root was headed to MIT, which excited Harold to no end.

“I’m pretty sure you taught me most of what I’ll learn though.” Root told him. He smiled at her,

“I’ve taught you a fair bit, but there are some things you have to be there to see.” Root nodded and turned to Shaw,

“Looks like we’ll both be in Boston for a few years. What do you think about living together again?” Shaw shrugged,

“I don’t hate you.” Was all she said. Harold and Grace frowned, but she could tell by the wide smile on Root’s face that she knew it was a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys are still enjoying this :) If you have questions, prompts, want to check out my flailing, feel free to check out PhaseWriters on tumblr.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Root and Shaw are in college! They're also living together, voluntarily this time. Should be a party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BAAAAACK!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who kept commenting even while I was unable to update, it means a lot to me that you guys remained interested in these two dorks!

**Shaw: Eighteen Years Old**

“You girls are going to have such a good year.” Grace said happily, unpacking one of the boxes in the kitchen of Root and Shaw’s new apartment. Harold nodded as he set up their television,

“College is wonderful. You ladies are going to have a fantastic time.” Root smiled,

“I know we are, Harold. Thank you two, for helping us get settled in.”

John came up the stairs and put a heavy box down in the living room,

“Alright, that’s the last of the boxes.” He told them.

Shaw stood in the corner, out of the way. Everyone else bustled around getting everything unpacked. At one point John came to stand next to her.

“Aren’t you going to help? This is your stuff.” Shaw shrugged,

“I’m supervising.” She told him. He smirked at her,

“Whatever you want to call it, I guess.” He went back to work. Shaw resisted the urge to rub her knuckles. They were still swollen and bruised.

Her family managed to get everything unpacked and settled before the evening really set in and left Root and Shaw alone. After Grace repeatedly fussed over them and Harold gave them well meaning advice ranging from how to deal with tough teachers to how to get free wifi in a way that was only slightly illegal. John simply gave Shaw a quick hug, dodging the punch she threw at him easily, and swept out the door. Odds were that he would see Shaw at school anyway. Finally the apartment was empty.

“You do have an amazing family, Sameen.” Root said cheerfully, collapsing onto the couch, “Even John has gotten…slightly better.” Root had been slightly less vindictive towards John since the period in high school where he had taught her karate in Shaw’s stead. Shaw tossed herself onto the couch next to Root.

“They’re practically your family too. You spent enough time with us.” Shaw told her. Root gave her a radiant smile.

“Shaw, that’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me.” Shaw gave her a withering glare before glancing at the clock John had hung on their wall.

“We should eat soon.” Root wrinkled her nose,

“I don’t feel like cooking. You?” Shaw shook her head,

“Pizza?”

“Pizza.”

They ordered their pizza and ate it in front of the television, with a movie. Shaw didn’t even notice the minuscule smile that found its way onto her face. This wasn’t going to be so bad.

\-----

It didn’t take long before Root and Shaw became so busy that they often went days without seeing each other. Shaw didn’t mind too much, they still lived together, and ate dinner together at least once a week.

People in college proved to be just as infuriating as her high school classmates had been. Shaw supposed that people were people. She never yelled at them, she never fought them, but her hands were still in constant pain. She barely even noticed it anymore.

The one good thing she found, was that people took physical relationships even less seriously than they had in high school. The people she slept with rarely asked her to date them afterwards, and didn’t complain when she never _actually_ slept over.

John came over every two weeks or so to “kidnap her” as he called it.

“It’s not a kidnapping if I go willingly, John.” Shaw told him on one of these occasions. He usually took her out to eat. John nodded in agreement,

“You’re right. If you go willingly then it’s Stockholm Syndrome.” Shaw rolled her eyes.

“If I need to put up with your crappy jokes, there better be a steak in it for me.” John smiled and nodded,

“Whatever you say, kid.”

“Nerd.” Shaw muttered. It had almost become a term of endearment. At least she got her steak.

She came home that evening with a box of leftovers for Root, which she put in the fridge with a note.

‘You can have the rest of this steak. Unless you wait too long to eat it. Then it’s mine again. -S’

Shaw believed in being very clear whose food was whose. Root had once told her that it wasn’t worth getting between Shaw and her dinner unless someone was willing to lose a hand. She had only been half-joking. But Shaw always found it worth it to share her leftovers with Root, it usually resulted in the other girl making her lunch the next day.

The first year of college passed quickly.

\-----

**Shaw: Nineteen Years Old**

It was even easier for Root and Shaw to get settled into their second year of college. They found ways to sync their schedules enough that they almost always had dinner together. Shaw insisted she didn’t care, but she never missed it if she could help it. Root was wise enough not to point that out.

“How was your day, Sameen?” Root asked over one dinner. Shaw shrugged,

“Boring.” She said, taking another bite. Root smiled at her,

“Guess what?” She asked. Shaw shrugged and Root smiled wider,

“I have a girlfriend.” She said cheerfully. Shaw’s fork stopped in the air for a second before resuming it’s path to her mouth.

“What’s wrong with her?” Shaw asked after she’d swallowed. Root laughed,

“Nothing. She’s in a couple of my classes and she came up and talked to me a couple of weeks ago. I like her.”

“Good for you.” Shaw said, standing up to clear her empty plate, “Not so much for her.” Root didn’t seem phased at all. She was used to Shaw.

“I knew you’d be happy for me.” She said as she washed her plate as well.

Shaw went out for a walk after dinner. When she came back, her blood was just drying on her knuckles.

\-----

Things went by normally for several weeks before Root texted Shaw telling her that she was bringing her girlfriend for dinner. Shaw grunted when she saw it.

“What’s up?” John asked. They had run into each other and were eating lunch together.

“Root’s bringing her girlfriend to dinner.” Shaw told him. He raised his eyebrows,

“Root has a girlfriend? What’s wrong with the girl?” Shaw snorted,

“That’s what I asked.” John smiled,

“Well if you figure it out tonight, let me know.” Shaw rolled her eyes and took another bite of her lunch.

When Shaw got home that evening, their were voices in the kitchen. One was Root’s. The other she didn’t recognize. She walked into the kitchen to see another girl laughing at something Root had said, her hand resting on Root’s shoulder while Root stirred something on the stove. Root glanced up when Shaw came in.

“Hey, Sameen! This is Harper, my girlfriend. Harper, this is Sameen Shaw.”

“Good to meet you, Sameen, I’m Harper Rose, Root’s told me a lot about you.” Shaw stared at the hand that Harper was extending towards her, then looked up at the other woman’s face.

“It’s Shaw.” She said, before turning to go to watch television until Root was done with dinner.

“We’re eating in about ten minutes!” Root called after her, “Baked potato soup!” Shaw decided that that wasn’t something she needed to answer. She could faintly hear the two girls in the kitchen talking.

“So…she’s pretty intense.” Harper was saying.

“That’s just Shaw. You get used to it. She’s wonderful, really.” Shaw could hear the smile in Root’s voice. The tiny part she never listened too purred with contentment at Root defending her. Every other part of her didn’t give a damn what either of the girls thought of her.

Dinner could have gone better. Shaw entertained herself by staring Harper down. Something about the girl grated on her the wrong way. She ignored Root’s attempts to draw her into the conversation, simply glaring at the intruder. Finally Harper excused herself to go home, giving Root a quick kiss before practically running out the door, glancing at Shaw repeatedly as she left. Shaw allowed herself a satisfied smirk when the door closed after her.

“Did you have to do that Sameen?” Root asked angrily as she started clearing the table.

“Do what?” Shaw asked. Root scoffed,

“You know what. I like Harper, you could have at least been a little nicer.” Shaw shrugged,

“If you actually expected me to be nice to anyone then that’s your own fault.” Root slammed the pot she’d used into the sink and started scrubbing it a little more aggressively than necessary.

“Okay, nice may not happen, but is it too much to ask for you to not be completely hostile?” Shaw snorted,

“That wasn’t completely hostile. She still has all her fingers.”

“You were deliberately making her uncomfortable!”

“She rubbed me the wrong way.”

“How? You didn’t even give her a chance?” Shaw rolled her eyes,

“Root, you’ve known me since we were kids. If you want a friend who’s going to put on a fake smile and be fake nice to some girl they don’t know and don’t care about, you’ve got the wrong roommate.” She stood up and left the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Shaw wandered around the city for a while before she found herself in an ally. She raised her fists and started punching the wall.

\-----

Summer was a relief, Shaw could use the break from school. She was back at Harold and Grace’s house, along with John. She spent a lot of time in Grace’s studio with her.

“Root has a girlfriend.” Shaw said without preamble. Grace’s eyebrows rose.

“Really? That’s nice. Root’s always seemed a bit lonely. Maybe this girl will be good for her. What do you think?”

“I don’t like her. Her name’s Harper and she’s annoying as hell.” Grace’s mouth quirked up at one corner.

“Really? What makes her so annoying?” Shaw shrugged.

“She rubs me the wrong way. I don’t think she and Root are gonna last.” Grace glanced at Shaw before turning back to her painting,

“You don’t think they’re going to last? Or you hope that they aren’t?”

“Am I allowed to say both?” Shaw asked. Grace laughed softly,

“Shaw, sweetie?” Shaw grunted and Grace kept talking, “What would you say if I told you you needed to listen to your emotions a little more?”

“I’d say that I’ve never seen these emotions and you’re imagining them.” Shaw told her. Grace didn’t argue, but she did sigh,

“Sometimes it’s hard to see what we aren’t looking for.” She said. Shaw couldn’t think of a response to that so she left. She went into the living room where John was on the couch with a couple of his old childhood friends. Lionel was on one side of him and Joss was on the other while they all played video games. Shaw flicked Lionel’s ear as she passed but left Joss alone. She’d always liked Joss Carter.

“Ow! Damn Shaw, you got me killed!” Lionel growled. Shaw shrugged,

“Oh, look at my last fuck flying away.” She said, Lionel glared at her before turning back to the screen. Joss caught Shaw’s eye and smirked. John noticed and nudged her,

“Joss, don’t encourage her.” He said in a stage whisper. Shaw flipped him off before flinging herself into a chair to watch them play. She wasn’t sure if John and Joss were acting a little closer than they had. She stopped questioning it when Zoe Morgan came over and greeted John with a kiss. It must have been her imagination.

\-----

**Shaw: Twenty Years Old**

Root and Shaw kept living together that year too. They had never talked about the argument that they’d had the night Shaw met Harper, but Shaw never saw the girl again. Root only brought her around when she knew that Shaw wasn’t going to be home. Shaw returned the favor by completely avoiding the topic of Root’s girlfriend.

Of course, occasionally Shaw would come home and find something, like two glasses on the coffee table, or smell a perfume that neither she nor Root used.

Those days she went to bed with her knuckles throbbing.

Shaw was a little surprised when she was in the middle of a microwave dinner alone when Root walked in the door.

“I thought you said you were with…I thought you were out tonight.” Shaw said, Root shrugged, she looked fairly upset.

“Harper and I broke up.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It was mutual. It just wasn’t working out anymore but,” Root shrugged, “I really did like her. Do like her. Just not…”

Shaw wasn’t really sure how to deal with these situations. She fell back on what she’d learned from television.

“Do you, uh, want to stuff your face with junk food and watch crappy movies?” Shaw asked. Root smiled brightly despite her glassy eyes.

“That sounds amazing, Sameen.”

Shaw nodded and went to the kitchen. She pulled out a pint of ice cream and quickly made a batch of eggless cookie dough, so it could be eaten straight out of the bowl with a spoon. She brought them out to Root, who had already turned on netflix.

“I swear I could kiss you, Sameen.” Root told her, immediately shoveling a spoonful of cookie dough into her mouth.

“I’m not a rebound.” Shaw deadpanned. Root snorted with laughter and the tiny part of Shaw that still fought to make itself heard glowed with pride at having made her smile. Shaw still didn’t hear it.

“Really, thank you.” Root said as the movie started, Shaw shrugged,

“What are friends for, or whatever.” She muttered. Root shoved her shoulder playfully,

“Aw, Shaw, you softie. That’s the second time you’ve admitted we’re friends!” Shaw frowned,

“Wait, when was the first time?”

“Right after, or I mean during…” Root hesitated, “The night you met Harper.” Shaw thought back. She had sort of called herself Root’s friend, in a roundabout way, she guessed. She just hadn’t thought much of it. She shrugged,

“Whatever. You knew we were friends. And I’m not a softie.” Root nodded,

“Absolutely. Not a softie at all. The mighty and terrifying Sameen Shaw did not just make me a bowl of cookie dough because I broke up with my girlfriend.”

“I’m trying to poison you with raw egg.” Shaw told her.

“I know you made it eggless.” Shaw glared at Root, who smiled back sweetly.

“Shut up and watch the movie.” Shaw grumbled.

She didn’t push Root off when she leaned her head on Shaw’s shoulder halfway through.

\-----

**Shaw: 21 Years Old**

Shaw’s last year of college was flying by. She was planning on joining John in the police department of their home town next year. Root was already doing an internship at Harold’s company, where Harold assured her she would have a job at the end if she wanted it. Root had told Shaw in confidence that she wasn’t even looking anywhere else. Working for Harold was a childhood dream come true, and she’d seriously impressed her boss, Nathan, who was a close friend of Harold’s.

Shaw was on her way to yet another boring class when her phone rang. She answered it without looking at the caller id.

“Shaw.” She said as she held the phone to her ear.

“Shaw, Mom and Finch are in the hospital with Root, she’s had an accident.” John’s voice was low and tense. Shaw froze completely. Anybody walking by would probably think that she was some kind of super-realistic statue by an art student. She stayed like that for several seconds while John kept talking.

“Which hospital?” She asked, completely calmly. The little voice inside of her was screaming like it hadn’t in years, not since her dad… She still wasn’t listening to it. Root was in the hospital. She would want Shaw there. Shaw would be there. Those were what she listened to. John told her and Shaw turned around and walked back to the bus stop. Class wasn’t important right now. She arrived at the hospital less than an hour later. John was sitting, in the waiting room, he stood when he saw Shaw.

“How long ago did she get hurt?” Shaw asked, “It takes an hour and a half to get here from our town.” John shrugged,

“We found out a little more than an hour ago. Mom and Finch are lucky they didn’t get pulled over for speeding, but we got here. Thank god it wasn’t rush hour. Come on, I was waiting here so I could show you to her room.”

“Why did they call our parents?” Shaw asked, “Why not Root’s mom?”

“Root put them as her emergency contacts,” John told her, “Mom and Finch say that she hasn’t even seen her mom since she moved to Boston.” Shaw shrugged, she’d never asked about what Root did during the summer and Root didn’t talk about it. If Root didn’t want to see her mom, that was her business.

“She also gave them power of attorney. You know, just in case.”

“Is that necessary right now?” Shaw asked, in the same tone of voice one would use to discuss the weather. John was doing pretty well to match her tone.

“No. She’s pretty banged up, but the doctors said she’ll be okay.” Shaw nodded and kept walking. John led her into a generic hospital room. White walls, white bed, with white bandages on the person lying in it.

Root’s eyes were closed. One of them was bruised and swollen. She had a cut on her lip as well. One of her arms was in a cast and bandages were wrapped around her bicep. Shaw couldn’t see any more because of the blanket covering the rest of her body.

“Where’s the driver?” She asked calmly. John’s eyes widened slightly, but she ignored him. Harold looked up,

“He ran a red light, but swerved to try to avoid her. He still clipped her, but hit a street lamp.”

“That’s not an answer.” Shaw told him. Harold shook his head,

“He was hurt much worse than her, Shaw. He didn’t make it.”

“Good.” Shaw growled. Grace looked at her, appalled,

“Shaw!” Shaw met her eyes unapologetically.

“He hurt Root.” She said. Grace sighed and shook her head before turning back to Root.

“Are you going to stay here, Shaw?” Harold asked. Shaw nodded and sat down in a chair next to the bed. She frowned when she saw a dark nose poking out from underneath.

“How did you get Bear in here?” She asked. Harold gave a small, embarrassed smile.

“Well, I told them he was a service dog. He helps Root avoid panic attacks.”

“At least that’s the story.” Grace murmured. She looked torn between disapproval and amusement. Shaw smiled slightly and leaned down to scratch Bear’s ears.

Shaw stayed in the hospital room for hours. Grace left to find her and Finch a hotel room nearby, John was staying with a friend from college. Shaw just sat there, holding Root’s uninjured hand. Harold glanced at her.

“Shaw, I think this is the first time I’ve seen you seek physical comfort from another person.” Shaw frowned in confusion, then glanced down at the entwined hands on the bed.

“I’m not seeking comfort.” She told him, “I don’t care. But Root likes this kind of thing, so…” Harold smiled and nodded.

“Do you think you can look after her from now? I’m going to go meet Grace at the hotel. Call us if she wakes up.” Shaw nodded and then Harold was gone too.

Visiting hours became irrelevant. Something about the Shaw and Bear fixed nurses with twin glares made them reluctant to remove her. Shaw napped as best as she could in the uncomfortable chair. She woke up quickly when she felt movement next to her. Root was stirring.

She opened her eyes and looked around with a frown. Then she saw Shaw and smiled slightly. Her good eye opened wider in surprise when she glanced down and saw the hand clasped in her own. She stared at their hands for several seconds.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it.” Shaw told her sternly. Root smiled again, then frowned, as much as she was able.

“What happened?” She asked. Her voice was raspy. Shaw reached over to the water bottle on the bedside table and guided the straw to Root’s mouth.

“Car crash. You’re in the hospital. Mom and Finch were here earlier, John too.” Root finished drinking and shook her head,

“Not that.” She said as Shaw put the bottle back down, “Your hand. The knuckles are all…” Shaw glanced down. Root had been staring at their hands, it would have been pretty hard to hide. Shaw shrugged.

“Sameen, I hurt like hell. Let’s just pretend that I already convinced you to tell me so that I don’t have to waste the energy.” Root said sternly. Shaw rolled her eyes,

“I don’t hit people. Not anymore.” Root gave her a look then winced, she’d clearly tried to raise the eyebrow over her bruised eye and it hadn’t gone well. Shaw clenched her jaw. “Walls.” Was all she said. Root nodded as though it made perfect sense.

“Do you have a sharpie?” She asked Shaw glanced down at the schoolbag she still had and pulled one out, passing it to Root. Root uncapped it with her mouth and started doodling on Shaw’s hand. Roses bloomed on each knuckle with their stems crawling down her fingers. When she was finished with that hand, Root gestured for Shaw to give up the other one. Shaw did so without a word, watching the marker move across her skin. When she finished, Root recapped the pen and passed it back to Shaw.

“You’re not allowed to hurt the flowers.” She said sternly, before closing her eyes and falling back asleep. Shaw stared at her hands for the rest of the night.

\-----

Shaw had thought that Harold and Grace made a big deal about high school graduation. That had been just a normal day compared to how they treated her college graduation. Shaw was pretty sure that their faces were about to crack under the force of their proud smiles. Fortunately, she had gotten hers over with two days ago. Now it was Root’s turn.

“Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it. You know you didn’t have to.” Root told them. She was still in her cap and gown, with her diploma clutched in her hand. Grace looked shocked at her words.

“Root! You know we consider you family! Of course we had to come!” Root gave her a brilliant smile before turning to Shaw,

“Sameen, what did they bribe you with to convince you to come sit through this?” She teased.

“You came to mine.” Shaw pointed out. Root laughed,

“Yeah, because I wanted to. What’s your excuse?” Shaw shrugged and turned away, but not before she saw Root’s smile grow even wider.

They spent time with Harold and Grace before heading back to their apartment. They were trying to get packed up before they were both leaving the next day. They finally managed to get everything packed by seven.

“Okay. Now I need a drink.” Shaw declared, grabbing one of the last few beers they had in their fridge. Root took it out of her hand and put it back.

“What the hell?” Shaw glared at her. Root smiled, she seemed to be the only one immune to Shaw’s glare.

“Come on, it’s our last night living in Boston. We should go out for drinks.” Shaw scowled.

“I’ll pay.” Root cajoled. Those were the magic words. Shaw followed her out the door.

They went to a loud club, full of other young adults who had just graduated and were ready to take the world by the balls. Or whatever that guy in the middle of the dance floor was yelling. It was hard to make out all the words, but the people around him cheered regardless.

Root bought a round of drinks and dragged Shaw onto the dance floor. The two of them hadn’t danced together since high school prom night. This was different. Where that had been lighthearted and intimate, the press of sweaty bodies around them made this somehow baser, more primal. They kept drinking steadily between dances, until they headed home. Despite her size, Shaw held her liquor better than Root. While she was tipsy, Root was thoroughly drunk. Shaw unlocked the door and helped Root get to her bed. The two of them took off their shoes and sat down on the mattress.

“You’re amazing, Sameen.” Root slurred. Shaw nodded,

“Amazingly hot.” She agreed. Root nodded,

“That too.” Somehow they had ended up much closer, the breath from each other’s words landing on their faces. They both started leaning in, but then Root shook her head.

“No. Not like this. Not cause of too much…” She seemed to lose her train of thought, but lay down, pulling Shaw with her.

“Let’s just sleep.” Root sighed.

“I have my own bed.” Shaw pointed out. Root shook her head.

“No. You’re sleeping here tonight.” She said stubbornly. It was hard to make out all the words, between sleepiness and drunkenness, but her arm tightened around Shaw, illustrating her point. Shaw shrugged and squirmed to get more comfortable. Neither of them bothered changing into pajamas. They spent their last night in Boston sleeping off the alcohol in the same bed.

It wasn’t bad, as far as nights go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be slightly longer, I wanted to update as soon as possible, thanks to the fact that I am not sleeping on the streets, and I have a laptop, so I can actually update. I hope you all have an amazing day and happy new year!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Root and Shaw are now officially adults! The kind with jobs instead of school. And they are definitely feeling some adult things. Warning: You know that smut I mentioned? Yeah, here you go.
> 
> Side note: While all the previous chapters were exclusively from Shaw's PoV, this chapter has both Root and Shaw's. Have fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Thanks so much everybody who left kudos, comments, and in any way showed support for this fic! Also shoutout to tumblr user pota-totoo for drawing that scene from chapter 3! Because that was awesome. And I'm glad nobody saw my reaction because that would have been great blackmail material...
> 
> And don't worry, this universe is far from over. I have at least a couple one-shots that will be part of the series and then something that for sure will take a few chapters. So if you're willing, you'll be putting up with these nerds for a while.

**Root: 22 Years Old**

Root felt a sense of deja-vu when she looked around the new apartment she’d gotten with Shaw. Harold, Grace, and John were helping them move all of their things. John put down a box with a small huff and turned to Root.

“Your mother didn’t want to help you move?” Root pretended she didn’t see the look Harold gave him, or the subtle shake of Grace’s head.

“She wouldn’t be much help anyway.” Root told him calmly, taking a small box into what was now her bedroom. She sighed briefly. The memories becoming overwhelming for just a moment.

\-----

_Root was humming slightly as she packed her bag. MIT. Her childhood dreams, fueled by Harold’s stories about his college days. She didn’t notice that she wasn’t alone until she heard her voice from the doorway, shrill and panicked._

_“Samantha! They’re taking you away again? They can’t do that without telling me! Tell them they can’t make you go!” Root closed her suitcase before turning to face the woman. It had been years since she’d thought of her as a mother._

_“They aren’t taking me away. Believe me, if I was under eighteen and they saw you they would. But nobody cares enough to do that anymore now that I’m not a kid.”_

_“Then why are you packing?”_

_“I’m going to college. I told you, remember? About my free ride to MIT? I hoped that maybe you were sober enough at the time to remember. I guess even hoping for that much was dumb.”_

_“College? You’re leaving? You can’t leave me all alone. I’ve lost one daughter already. I lost Hannah. I can’t lose you too, Samantha!” Root could have been fine. She’d lived with this woman for years. She was used to her rages, used to her slumps, used to these panics. But she shouldn’t have to be used to them. And this time Hannah had been brought into it. Root felt her mouth moving without consulting her brain but she really didn’t care._

_“Really? That’s your response? Any other parent would be proud to have a daughter going to MIT. Even prouder that it isn’t costing them a cent. And you know, I really want to blame the way you are on what happened to Hannah, but that’s not true. Even when she was here you didn’t do anything as a parent. She was the one who called the ambulance when I had that accident. She was the one holding my hand when we found out about my hearing. She was my best friend and I lost her. And as soon as I lost her, you disappeared completely behind all of those delightful little drugs that make you feel so good. After all that, don’t you dare say her name like she was yours. You never deserved her.”_

_“I was her mother, you can’t imagine how losing her felt!” Root felt her face going red with the heat of her fury,_

_“I can imagine because I lost her too! And I’d say I lost you if you’d ever really been there, but no. You can’t force me to stay, and I shouldn’t force myself. You destroy everything you touch.”_

_“Where will you go? I’m the only family you have left!” Root looked at her and shook her head. She grabbed her suitcase and wheeled it to the door. She turned one last time before leaving._

_“You aren’t my family.”_

\-----

Root took several deep breaths and brought herself back to the present. She set the box down next to the bed that Harold and John had set up before heading back to help with the rest of the stuff. She looked around the room again. Harold was fiddling with the wifi router. Grace was in the kitchen, putting all of their utensils away. John was making his mother laugh and shake her head at whatever he was saying. Shaw leaned against the wall, watching all the goings on. The same broody look on her face as always, but something about the way she held her jaw made Root think she was happy. Root smiled when she saw the flower drawings that still adorned Shaw’s knuckles. She didn’t want to stop drawing them.

Yeah, this was family.

\-----

**Shaw: 22 Years Old**

Root and Shaw had been back home for several months now. Shaw felt mildly surprised at how fast it had passed. She had already graduated from the police academy. Finch and Grace were currently having a celebratory dinner to congratulate her. John showed up fashionably late, but he grinned at Shaw across the table.

“Do you like being in my shadow that much, Shaw?” He asked. Shaw rolled her eyes,

“You’re just going to be embarrassed when your little sister upstages you.” John just smiled at her,

“It’s fine. Joss upstages me on a daily basis. You get used to the humiliation of having someone be constantly better than you.”

“Joss Carter?” Root asked, “She always did seem like the least idiotic of your friends.”

“You’re as cheerful as always, Root.” John nodded at her. Grace and Finch met eyes across the table.

“Feels like not a day has passed since their childhood.” Finch smiled. Grace nodded,

“How are we supposed to get empty nest syndrome with them like this?” She asked in mock destress. Shaw privately agreed with them. They got older, they got jobs, but their family seemed to stay the same. If she’d listened to the little voice inside of her, she would have heard it purring in contentment.

\-----

Root and Shaw were relaxing at home. Or rather, Shaw was relaxing. Root was making Spaghetti because when they played rock-paper-scissors for cooking duty Shaw won. Always. Root had a bad habit of picking scissors nine times out of ten, and her eyes would drift to the side if she was going for something else. Shaw decided not to mention these tells.

Shaw picked up her phone when it buzzed. It was a text from John.

‘We just arrested Root’s mom. Drugs. Do we tell her?” Shaw read the text three times before looking up again. Root was still bustling around the kitchen, oblivious to what was going on.

“Hey.” Shaw said, Root turned to acknowledge her,

“Mm?”

“Have you talked to your mom recently?” Their was a clatter as Root dropped the spoon she’d been holding. She bent down and picked it up before answering Shaw.

“I haven’t talked to her since I left for MIT.”

“What about the summers?” Shaw asked. Root shrugged and turned back to the pans. Shaw wondered idly if she was trying to hide her face.

“I spent them in homeless shelters. I know Harold and Grace would have taken me in, but… I just owe them too much already.”

“I won’t tell them.”

“Thank you.”

They didn’t say anything more until they were seated for dinner. Shaw didn’t bother sugar coating her words.

“John texted me. Your mom just got arrested for drug possession.” Root just nodded and took another bite.

“I’m just surprised she wasn’t already in jail.” Shaw watched Root for several heartbeats before shaking her head and going back to her food. She wasn’t good with emotions, her own or others, but she was pretty sure that if Root wanted to say more, she would.

\-----

**Shaw: 23 Years Old**

Shaw’s birthday was…pleasant. Root had borrowed Grace’s cinnamon pancake recipe for breakfast, then taken her out in the evening with the promise of drinks. They were both moderately tipsy when they came back in from their night out.

“We should drink water. No hangovers.” Root said. Shaw nodded and followed her to the sink. 

“Hey, Shaw?” Root asked while she sipped her third glass of water, “Have you ever thought of us?”

“In general?”

“I mean together. Would we work?” Shaw shrugged,

“Never really thought about it. Who knows?” Root nodded and finished her glass before heading back to her room. Shaw had a nagging feeling that she’d done something wrong. She blamed it on the alcohol.

She didn’t have that excuse when Root brought it up less than a week later.

“So, you think any more on it?”

“On what?”

“Us. If we’d work.” Shaw frowned slightly.

“No. Why do you keep asking?” Root shrugged,

“There’s a woman at work. She seems interested in me.” Shaw wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt so angry, but she needed to get out.

“Do whatever you want.” She said in a perfectly calm voice, before leaving the apartment. She reached a wall and raised a fist before catching sight of the flowers Root had drawn. She let her fist down with a growl of frustration and kept walking.

\-----

**Root: 23 Years Old**

Root came into the apartment late that night. She felt like she should feel good, things had gone well. But her mood was dampened by the fact that it hadn’t felt _right_. She sighed, but perked up when she walked into the living room, a small smile gracing her lips. 

Shaw was curled up on the couch with chinese food and a beer in front of her. The television made light flicker across her face, somehow accentuating her jaw line. It was beautiful.

“Sameen, would you know what a healthy diet even looked like if I wasn’t cooking for you all the time?”

“I wasn’t sure when you’d be back, and it wasn’t worth cooking for one.” Shaw told her, taking another bite. Root nodded,

“Sorry, I was on a date. With the woman I told you about.” Shaw’s expression didn’t change but her shoulders bunched the way they did when she was angry. Root had to admire that not a shred of anger slipped into her voice when she spoke.

“Are you going to want me to play host and meet the girlfriend again?” Root shook her head,

“No. She was nice. Really nice. But it just wasn’t right, you know? I’ll probably just stay friends.” The shoulders unbunched.

“Good. I didn’t feel like making nice with a girlfriend.” 

Root wondered if it was wishful thinking that Shaw had more reason to not want her to date.

\-----

**Shaw: 24 Years Old**

Shaw was up late, watching some crappy show on Netflix. Root came home tipsy. She had been at some office party for some reason that Shaw had forgotten five minutes after Root had mentioned it. Root wandered over to the and sat down right next to Shaw. She kicked off her shoes and laid her head on Shaw’s shoulder. Anyone else would probably end up with a bruise if they tried to get that close. Root… Shaw didn’t push her off.

They watched a full episode before either of them spoke.

“Why do you only do this when I’ve been drinking?” Root asked.

“I watch Netflix when you’re sober.” Shaw deadpanned. She felt Root’s body shake as she giggled.

“No, I meant let me get this close to you. Like graduation night. It’s only when I’ve been drinking.” 

“Those are the only times you try to get this close.” Shaw pointed out. Root was silent for a few minutes,

“So would you let me if I did try?”

“I’m letting you now.”

\-----

It was a week later, on what had become their unofficial movie night. Shaw was curled up on the couch again, she always got there before Root. She raised an eyebrow when Root came and cuddled into her side.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re warm.”

“Get a blanket.”

“You’re closer.” Shaw shrugged into a more comfortable position.

“Whatever.” She muttered. 

They managed to get through two movies before falling asleep on the couch together.

\-----

Shaw had just arrived at work when she saw John pull up into the parking lot. Using the same car as Joss Carter. They shared a chaste kiss before they both got out of the car. They almost walked into Shaw before they noticed her. She raised an eyebrow long enough to make them squirm, just for her own amusement, before giving them each a small nod and going inside without them. 

Shaw didn’t feel the need to push it more than that. If Joss didn’t hurt John, then it was fine. If she did hurt John, Shaw would handle that when it came. Simple, easy, no need for long talks about feelings.

If only John felt the same way.

He invited himself along when she went out to eat.

“It’s still pretty new. But she’s good. Great. For me and everyone else.” Shaw shrugged, she didn’t think that he needed an answer. 

“But what about you?” John asked. Shaw glared at him, hoping he’d drop this line of questioning. Unfortunately, he’d become immune to her glares long ago, “Anyone you’re seeing, Shaw?” He asked. Shaw snorted,

“No.”

“Sometimes the person who will make us happiest is closer than we think.” John told her. Root sprang to Shaw’s mind unbidden. Fortunately John dropped the subject after that. Shaw blamed the fact that she thought of Root on the fact that the other woman had been blatantly flirtatious since the night they fell asleep on the couch together.

The tiny voice inside her knew that was just an excuse.

\-----

**Shaw: 25 Years Old**

Shaw didn’t realize how used she was to waking up to breakfast cooking until the usual smells were absent one morning. She wandered out and realized that Root wasn’t up yet, despite it being well past eleven. Shaw slept in on her days off. Finally Shaw knocked on Root’s bedroom door, opening it without waiting for an answer.

Root was in bed, a box of tissues next to her and a half full garbage can on the floor. Her face was flushed and her eyes were bright when she turned to look at Shaw.

“I think I’m sick.” She said. Shaw nodded and left. She searched through the cupboards until she founds soup and heated up a bowl. She brought it in to Root’s room with a thermometer, cold medicine, and a glass of water. All the things Grace used to give her when she was sick.

“Temperature’s pretty high.” Shaw muttered, “Take the medicine. And here’s your soup.”

“Thank you, Sameen.” Root smiled. Shaw shrugged,

“I have the day off anyway.”

She settled into Root’s desk chair and pulled out her phone. They lasted a few hours before the mix between fever and medicine started to make Root chatty.

“You know why I try to be on your right? It’s because if you’re to my left I hear you better. I’m deaf in my right ear.” Shaw just looked at her, not bothering with an unnecessary answer. Root didn’t seem to mind.

“You kind of remind me of my sister. When I had my accident, there was head trauma that damaged my inner ear. Hannah stayed right in my room the whole time, just like you are. But I don’t really think of you like a sister.”

Shaw remained silent, but the small part deep inside hurt. Root didn’t think of her as family. She wasn’t really…

“But I’m glad I live with you because you make it home.” Root mumbled. Shaw was fairly certain that the sick woman was starting to drift off to sleep, but she felt lighter. Not a sister didn’t mean not family.

“I hope you put more thought into us.” Root muttered before her breathing evened out into the rhythm of sleep.

\-----

Shaw was still there when Root woke up the next morning. Shaw wordlessly passed over a glass of water when Root opened her eyes. Root drank the whole thing before smiling at Shaw.

“Thank you, Sameen. I’m feeling better today too.”

Shaw passed her the thermometer and glanced at it when Root passed it back.

“Fever’s gone.” Shaw said, “Good. You were getting out of it. Saying some pretty weird stuff.” 

Root smiled at her and Shaw wondered vaguely how a sick person with bedhead could still manage to be attractive.

“I meant it.”

“Which part?”

“All of it.” Shaw narrowed her eyes, trying to see the joke, but Root just met her stare with that small smile that used to be so infuriating.

“I’m going to work.” Shaw muttered, getting up and leaving the room.

\-----

Shaw left her room a few days later to see Root making breakfast like usual, wearing the bunny slippers that she’d replaced twice when they’d babysat Bear for a while. He liked chewing on them. Shaw sat down and Root passed her some eggs before sitting across from her.

“It wouldn’t work.” Shaw said when they were almost finished. Root looked up,

“Hm?”

“Us. It wouldn’t work. If we did anything, and you did that whole…feelings thing. It wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t be able to care about you the same way. It wouldn’t work.” Root gave her a small smile.

“That’s not true. I wouldn’t want you to care the same way. Then you wouldn’t be Shaw, and I like you just the way you are.” Root cleared her plate and left before Shaw had decided how to respond.

\-----

**Root: 26 Years Old**

Root looked around the room that she’d slept in so often as a child. It looked just the same as all the times she’d stayed with Harold and Grace. They had insisted that she, Shaw, and John stay with them for the entire week around Christmas. They hadn’t had to try too hard to convince the three of them. Root was just grateful that they still considered her family. They all had their old rooms, although John was currently sharing his with Joss Carter. Root could admit he wasn’t too bad, but she wondered how he got someone so far out of his league. Maybe she was a biased judge.

Root stretched and got out of bed. It was still early, she had never been a late riser. Fortunately, Harold was an early bird as well. She found him in his office. She didn’t wait to be invited in, she just took the same seat she had occupied so many times, looking across the desk to the man she would always consider the closest thing she had to a father. Not that she planned on ever telling him that.

“Good morning, Root.” He smiled pleasantly, “Sleep well?”

“Always.” She smiled back. He nodded,

“Enjoying your little vacation? It’s been quite a while since you stayed here.” Root nodded,

“Yeah. I am. I think I actually missed this place. It feels like…”

“Home?” Harold suggested. Root smiled,

“Yeah. Although the apartment with Shaw feels good too.” Harold chuckled,

“If someone had told me that the two little girls who couldn’t stay in the same room for five minutes without fighting would be peacefully living together, I would have laughed in their faces.”

“We were fine once high school came and we calmed down.” Root pointed out. Harold nodded,

“Yes, I think calm is a good word for the effect you had on Shaw.”

The two of them didn’t speak for several moments before Root said something that had been on her mind for years.

“I like her Harold. A lot. And not like a sister, or a friend. I like her.” Harold just nodded,

“Yes, Grace and I figured that out quite a while ago.”

“I’m that obvious?” Root half-joked. Harold smiled at her,

“Not at all. We just know the two of you very well. We decided not to push you two one way or the other. As long as the two of you are happy, that’s all we hope for.”

Root tried not to show how emotional his casual use of “the two of you” made her.

“Shaw…we talked. A little while back. I’m not sure how to tell her clearly without making it seem like I’m trying to push her into anything. I don’t want to make her do anything. Right now I just want to tell her.” Harold smiled and put a comforting hand on her shoulder,

“I rather think she already knows.”

\-----

**Shaw: 26 Years Old**

Christmas eve Shaw sat in Grace’s studio, watching her paint.

“How’s living with Root? Still good?” Grace asked, not taking her eyes off of her work. Shaw shrugged,

“It’s good, same as always. A few months ago we had a…weird conversation.”

“Weird how?” Grace asked.

“She asked a couple times what it would be like if we were together. So I told her.” Grace glanced sidelong at Shaw,

“Getting a story from you is always like pulling teeth.” Shaw just gave her a look and Grace laughed, “So, what did you tell her?”

“We wouldn’t work.” Shaw said matter-of-factly, “I don’t care about people. Not the same way most people do. If I date someone, it’ll end with them wanting more. Stuff I can’t give. So better to keep it casual. Plus then I don’t need to worry about having someone on my back all the time.”

The little part of Shaw almost wept with her summary. It was true, every word. But truth and happiness weren’t the same.

“Well, me and Harold will love the two of you no matter what,” Grace told her,

“Even if I can’t do it back?” Shaw asked. It was more of a point of curiosity than anything else, at least, that’s what most of her thought. That tiny part knew better.

“I think you care more than you’re able to see. And even if you couldn’t do it back at all, yes.” Grace smiled at her, “And because I love you, I feel like I should give you some unsolicited motherly advice.”

Shaw raised an inquisitive eyebrow that Grace didn’t see, the older woman’s eyes still on her painting.

“You know it’s love when it isn’t about the other person changing for you, or you changing for them. It’s about learning and growing together. And above all, never stop appreciating the other person for who they are.”

Grace smiled a soft, happy smile at her painting.

Shaw noticed that the painting was starting to look a lot like Finch.

\-----

The day after Christmas Shaw left John and Joss on the living room couch to get a snack. She headed to the kitchen and almost bumped into Root.

“Hey.” Shaw grunted. Root smiled,

“Hey,” Her eyes brightened when she looked up, “Mistletoe.” Shaw glanced up too and saw the plant hanging above the doorway. She didn’t think, she just leaned in and kissed Root quickly on the lips before pushing her way into the kitchen. She didn’t think much of what she’d just done, although the tiny part she didn’t listen to was practically doing backflips through both nerves and excitement. She grabbed a few cookies leftover from yesterday and ate them before turning around. Root was still there, a lot closer than expected. Shaw didn’t have a chance to react before Root gave her a kiss, no less fleeting than the other one.

“Couldn’t let you have all the fun.” Root winked before leaving the kitchen. Had anyone asked Shaw, she would have shrugged and said it didn’t really matter. The little part of her said differently though. That part was singing and dancing and hugging itself with glee. She didn’t hear it. She didn’t even notice the small smirk on her face until John looked up when she rejoined the couple in the living room.

“What’s the smile for?”

“It was a really good snack.”

\-----

The next morning, Root and Shaw went back to their apartment. Things were normal, unchanged. Until right after dinner. To both of their surprise, it was Shaw who brought it up first, right after they’d finished cleaning the dishes in the kitchen.

“I liked kissing you.” She said, when they had finished dinner. She wasn’t sure what made her say it, wasn’t sure why, but she did know it was true. Root smiled that small, flirtatious smile that she reserved for Shaw.

“Good, I liked kissing you too.”

“What I said before, about us. It’s still true, we still wouldn’t work.” Shaw said. Despite her words, she and Root had somehow managed to get closer to each other. Almost touching, but not quite. Root didn’t seem put out by Shaw’s assertion, she just cocked her head, smile still in place.

“And how often do you date the people you sleep with, Sameen?” She asked. They were chest to chest now. Shaw didn’t answer the question, they both knew the answer was never. It wasn’t clear which one of them leaned in first, but really, it didn’t matter. Their third kiss was longer. Root’s hands tangled in Shaw’s hair and the small gasp she gave when Shaw gripped her hips was enough to make Shaw moan slightly into her mouth. When they finally broke apart they were both breathing heavily. Root looked at Shaw and her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright. 

“Sameen, I want…” She trailed off but Shaw didn’t need her to continue.

“As long as you don’t expect me to be all…Just for now.” Root didn’t seem upset by the implication. Just for now. Just this once. No strings attached.

“I know what I’m getting into.” She said. That was all they needed. Their lips met again, hungrier this time. Shaw moved her hands down to the button of Root’s jeans. It didn’t take long to get them down her legs, Root impatiently stepped out of them, without breaking the kiss. Root’s hands wandered down from Shaw’s hair to the bottom of her tank top. They broke contact to get the shirt over Shaw’s head and Root’s eyes darkened as she looked at her. Hands running over Shaw’s bare torso.

“No bra, Sameen?” She asked. Shaw smirked at her,

“Problem?”

“Not at all.”

It didn’t take them long to remove the rest of their clothing. They never made it to one of their bedrooms, Shaw just backed Root into the kitchen counter.

“I think you made one miscalculation, Sameen.” Root gasped, Shaw narrowed her eyes at her,

“What?”

“I’m the top.” Root switched them so that Shaw was the one backed up against the counter. She kissed Shaw again, before moving her mouth slowly lower, down Shaw’s neck, to her collarbone. When she reached Shaw’s breasts she took one in her mouth. Shaw gave a low moan.

“Okay, that’s kind of hot.”

Root’s hands were moving lower too. She teased Shaw’s entrance with a finger before dipping it in, brushing her thumb across Shaw’s clit as she did so. Shaw moaned again, louder this time. The sound seemed to spur Root along, she added a second finger to the first, stroking Shaw’s clit in time with the rhythm her fingers set. It only took a few minutes for Shaw to come, hard. She gave out a loud cry that probably made the neighbors question their activities. Not that Shaw cared what the neighbors thought. She was mostly standing thanks to the support of the kitchen counter. Root came back up to kiss her again. When they broke apart, Shaw didn’t let her go far.

“Bedroom.”

“Which one?”

“Closest.”

“Mine it is.”

The two of them bumped into several pieces of furniture, it was difficult to navigate a room when you’re trying to maximize the time spent kissing.

Shaw learned three things about Root that evening.

One. She was a top.

Two. Giving one orgasm wasn’t enough. Not that Shaw minded. At all.

Three. She had a real talent for making Shaw scream.

\-----

The next few day passed incredibly normally. Almost abnormally normally. Root and Shaw didn’t discuss that night. They lived together the same way they had for years. It seemed to work.

John’s old friend, Zoe Morgan, was throwing a New Year’s party. A big one. It was Root who convinced Shaw to go.

“Come on, Sameen. You knew all the people better than I did. It would be weird to go without you.” Shaw just shrugged and got ready. It didn’t hurt to have fun once in a while.

“Fine, I’m ready, but we both know that you don’t care enough about their opinions to need me as a security blanket.” Shaw told her when she left her room. Root grinned at her,

“Shaw, anything that gets you into a dress that tight is fair game.”

Shaw just rolled her eyes and followed Root out the door.

The party was…loud. Zoe Morgan always had been one for extravagant displays. The crowd swallowed the two of them the second they stepped inside. They miraculously found a couch that wasn’t taken and Root left Shaw to save her seat while she went to get drinks. They were each sipping a beer when a man came up. Shaw realized it was Leon. Another of John’s old friends. She’d never been a big fan.

“So, Root, right?” He asked, giving what was probably supposed to be a charming smile, “Got someone to kiss at midnight? Because I absolutely don’t mind volunteering…” Shaw casually sat up and threw an arm around Root’s shoulders. She didn’t say a word, just glared at Leon. He always had seemed a little bit intimidated by her. He threw up his hands in surrender, “Okay! No kissing. Unless you both…right. Not a thing. I’m going to go say hi to…that guy! Yeah! Bye ladies!” He hurried off. Root turned to Shaw and cocked an eyebrow,

“I could’ve chased him off, you know.” Shaw just shrugged and went back to drinking her beer. Root laughed,

“Shaw, you better be willing to kiss me in…” She checked the time, “Twenty seven minutes.”

“Why do I have to?” Shaw asked, Root smiled,

“Unless someone else has caught your eye?”

“Not really.”

At midnight exactly Root pressed her lips against Shaw’s and Shaw kissed her back.

\-----

After the New Year, things really did go back to normal. No more stolen kisses, no more evening escapades. Root was still more flirtatious than most but that was just…Root. They lived together. It worked. There wasn’t any need for more. It was several months before their normal schedule experienced even a slight change. Shaw had just gotten home after taking her detective exam when she got a text from Root.

‘Eat dinner without me. I have a date.’

Shaw gripped her phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She wasn’t sure why she was so angry, but she came close to throwing her phone across the room. Thankfully, it lit up with another text notification before she could do it.

‘And by date, I mean I’m spending quality time with the mountain of paperwork my boss so kindly delegated to me.’

The sudden rage disappeared almost as quickly as it had come. Shaw was more disturbed by the sudden change than she had been by the anger.

She thought about it all through the next day, until she finally spoke up during their movie night.

“I wouldn’t be able to care about you the same way someone else would.” She said. Root looked at her,

“I know, Sameen, we’ve had this conversation. It’s okay.”

“But I get pissed off. If I think of you with someone else. It’s annoying.” Shaw didn’t look at her but she saw Root’s smile out of the corner of her eye.

“You’re not going to have to worry about that for a while, Sameen. I don’t want anybody else’s way of caring right now. I’d rather have you any day.”

The part Shaw didn’t listen to was almost crying with joy. The rest of her had no idea how to react, so she didn’t. Not until Root spoke again.

“Could we…try it? Try dating?” Root sounded uncharacteristically nervous, “It wouldn’t mean too much change. We’d just…know that neither of us is seeing anybody else.”

Shaw waited several moments before responding.

“I guess I could give it a try.” She said eventually. Root’s smile was almost blinding. 

“You know, I should correct myself,” She said, through her grin, “There will be one big difference.” Shaw raised an eyebrow, and Root leaned in,

“There will be a lot more of this.” She breathed, before kissing Shaw.

Yeah, Shaw was fine with that. She was also fine with it when they ended up not watching any more movies that night.

\-----

**Shaw: 27 Years Old**

Shaw had just finished her first solo case as a detective. Root had insisted that this was a big deal for her and cooked a congratulatory dinner. Shaw didn’t mind so much, anything that got her a steak was pretty much okay, even if Root did always cook too much when she was happy about something.

Which was how the two of them ended up cuddled on the couch in complete food comas. Shaw was fairly comfortable, being warm and full. She was almost starting to drift off when she heard Root say three words she’d never said before.

“I love you.”

The part Shaw didn’t listen to felt those words. If it had been the only part of Shaw she would have yelled the words back. But she still didn’t hear it.

Shaw just cuddled closer to Root.

“You bug the hell out of me.” She mumbled. Root just wrapped her arms around Shaw and held her tighter. Maybe she’d heard what that tiny part wanted Shaw to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW I'm PhaseWriter on Tumblr if you want to see me ranting and flailing over this or any of my other fics.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, or send a prompt, or see my occasional writing liveblogs, feel free to check out PhaseWriter on tumblr!


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